Daggers in our Heart

Thirty-Sixth

Thirty-Sixth

I don't know why I am so weak and always needing someone to assist me everytime. I don't know why I'm always in a painful and helpless situation that I always need to depend on someone to guide me. I don't know why I kept on falling down no matter how hard I strive to get up.

I guess I'm really not good in taking care of myself. I guess I can be easily fooled and just believe what I want to believe especially if it's giving me happiness and satisfaction. Like now, I believed that maybe Joong still cared for me, Joong still loves me even a bit because of those actions but it turns out he's not.

I always tell myself that he doesn't love me anymore but deep inside, I'm hiding it. Deep inside, I'm still believing that he likes me even just a bit and it only strengthened because of his acts from these past few days.

"Pull out your internship if you really feel that you can't contain that feelings anymore. I'll just... I'll try my luck if I can pull some strings to transfer you to our company so you can finish your required days. Just, leave it to me. You'll graduate this year" Krist stressfully adviced.

We're in a park, it's now night time and the cold breeze is making me feel a bit okay.

I glanced at him and saw that he's looking somewhere far. He looks so stressed with things that just happened. He looks so bothered. He looks angry but at the same time, he looks sad and soft.

I started to tear up again as I stare at his face with an idea bumping on my mind.

"Do you like me?" I asked and that's when he glanced at me with soft expressions.

I wonder why his kindness seems to be so different. As far as I can remember, we're not that close way back then but when Joong left, he's the one who stood beside me the most.

Drive me everywhere, make me smile when I'm feeling bad, cheer me up when I'm feeling sad, guide me when I'm feeling lost, rescue me everytime I need him the most.

Even when he already graduated and is already working, he's still having his time to see me at the university almost everyday and take me to everywhere I desire no matter how tired he appears.

When Joong left, Krist is the one who did all the things that I got used to Joong doing instead.

I wonder if all through this year, I am just numb to realize that he's treating me differently than everyone. I wonder if all through this year, I'm so focused in hurting because of Joong not knowing that I'm hurting someone close to me too.

"I don't want to complicate things, Nine" he answered in a weak voice and my tears streamed down in realization that he can't answer my questions straightly with a NO.

"Krist.." I whispered in disbelief "... I'm sorry" I sobbed so hard while saying that.

He caressed my hair as he heave a deep sigh before giving me a sad smile.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm contented with just being here beside you, Nine" even if smiling, his voice broke while saying that, adding confirmation to my thoughts.

"Since when?" I asked and he just shrugged his shoulders as he divert his glance back to the sky, refusing to answer me. I saw his eyes sparkle with evident tear he's trying to stop from flowing.