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Prologue

Home.

What do we mean when we say home?

Is it four walls and a roof with a beautiful garden and a balcony facing where the sun is setting in? Where you spend every day of your life with the people who matters to you? Sharing stories on how your day went over dinner. Celebrating occasions, popping champagne and pouring wines every New Year's Eve.

Is it a place, a country, a province or a city where we grow up and grow old? A place where we made a lot of memories that we carry wherever we may go. May it be a happy or a sad or a tragic one. Places that holds a special space in our hearts.

Or home is a pair of eyes who looks at you as if you're the only person that exists in the universe. A pair of arms that envelops you in a tight hug that heals every pain you feel. A pair of hands that holds you when the rest of the world has abandoned you. A pair of feet that walks with you through heaven and hell or anywhere in between. A hearts that loves you without any inhibitions.

I'm going home. Today. I honestly don't know what do I mean by that but all I know is that, I'm going back to the place where I came from. A place that, made me and destroyed me all at the same time. My heaven and my hell and my everything in between. Do I want to do this? Honestly, no. I really don't want to. But I have to do it. I have no other choice but to face my biggest fear. Not for me, but for the most important person in my life. And for her, I can set aside all the fears I have.

I wonder how everything will go from this day on. Nothing is sure, nothing is certain. And no matter how hard I try to imagine scenarios and keep on playing them in my head, I know for a fact that reality is quite surprising. Harsh most of the time actually. Well, I know that very well since I was the one who surprised everyone, including the world many, many years ago.


As we rode the plane and prepare for takeoff to finally leave the place that served as our home for the last seven years, nerves are starting to settle in within me. I am not afraid to fly. But I think this flight frightens the hell out of me. It's a thirteen, almost fourteen hour flight and we're not even in the air for ten minutes but I already wanted to go back and tell the captain to turn this private plane around. But I won't do that. I won't.


What's waiting for me back in our country? I sure hope it's something good. I sure hope things are better now. It's been seven years. A lot has happened. And I'm certain that a lot has changed. I hope one thing that changed is how the people I left behind felt for me. I hope they've forgiven me for what I did. Or at least, I hope they are willing listen to me and let me explain what happened and why I have to do things the way I did it. But if they don't, I understand. I will. 'Cause if someone did to me what I did to them, forgiveness will be hard for me to grant.


The first few steps to the land I promised I'll never walk again feels surreal. It brings chills to my spine and uninvited memories came rushing back making me cringe and my throat constrict as I feel my heart breaks again. We rushed towards the vehicle waiting for us that will bring us to where we'll be staying from now on.


Surely, a lot has changed. New buildings have risen. New roads were opened. New establishments seem to be popping left and right. I am both amused and terrified. It made me realize that I really have no idea what to expect with me coming back to this place. I think I should braised myself for the worst welcome back I'll ever experience.

"Sunny... Wake up... We're home."