𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙨

realization ~ 13

CW: NSFW ⚠️, slight talk about death and alcoholism

A/N: I have never written something like this so my apologies if it actually sucks 😀 and if the idea of this type of content makes you uncomfortable please don't continue reading! (I didn't spell check or go over this chapter.) 

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His lips were soft and gentle against hers, but as the kiss became more aggressive she finally realized what was happening and pulled back. As she pushed her hands against his chest he stared into her eyes and she sees a flash of panic. 

"I am so sorry I have no idea what came over me to provoke me to, well to kiss you..." He flopped down next to her on the bed not looking at her, but the ceiling. It was quiet for a moment all she heard was her soft breaths and the car's outside honking and driving by. "Evangeline-" he was interrupted by her smashing her lips against his. 

She shifted her body, her now straddling his hips while making her way down. Kissing his neck and leaving a light hickey on his jawline. Before she could get any farther Spencer grabbed her hips, flipping her over and pushing her down onto the bed, her now on the bottom as he was breathing heavily above her. She took a second to look into his brown-hazel eyes that were shimmering by the D.C. city lights; his wavy hair curved around the corner of his eye which she put back around his head, he reconnected with her lips again and his hands raking down her body slowly before coming in contact with the hem of her tee shirt. He pulled away giving her a look that was asking if he could continue. 

She gave him a small nod before pulling his head down giving him a small kiss. He pulled the shirt over her head, moving his hand so he was massaging her breasts and lightly running his thumb over her nipple. He moved his head down and took her other nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the base making her moan softly at the pleasure she was receiving. When he lifted his head up he took a step back to pull his shirt off which then made her see his golden toned skin. He made his way back to her pouncing onto her and grabbing the waistline of her panties pulling them down gently. 

He yanked her ankles apart before running a finger separating her slit "Fuck you're so wet Evangeline is it me? Do I make you feel good?" He inserted one finger inside her, his pace starting slow then slowly accelerating. 

"Yes" her voice raspy, she needed more friction, she just needed more. "Spencer please" 

"What is it you want beautiful?" He added another finger "Is this what you want? Do you want my fingers? Then take them like a good girl."

She let out a guttural moan as he made a 'come here' motion with his fingers hitting exactly were her g-spot was. As her orgasm approached she felt her body tense up and shake before her muscles relaxed. 

She felt Spencer's fingers slip out of her, she went and grabbed his wrist quickly sucking her juices off his fingers. He watched her carefully before pulling his fingers out of her mouth and kissing her. 

He took off his boxers and before she got the chance to look at what she was dealing with he quickly ran over to his dresser, back towards her, putting on a condom. 

Making his way over to the bed, he grabbed her hips, re-positioning himself with her and slammed into her, causing her to give a slight scream that was caused by the sudden pain and overstimulation she was feeling. "Fu-fuck Spencer" As he rammed into her, her legs shaking as she came for the second time. 

"You feel so good Eve" He moved inside here, going in and out a few more times before suddenly she felt warm liquid oozing down her thighs as Spencer's pace slowed down. He was still inside her but that didn't matter, she stared deeply into each-others eyes, he gave her a quick kiss before slipping his tongue into her mouth. When she met Spencer not ever did she think she would be sitting here making out with him after she just had sex with him. 

It felt way too good to be true, to be real, but it was real; all the emotions she went through these past months, were all real. All of it was real.

Spencer stood up and she whimpers at the loss of touch. He quickly puts on a shirt and boxers and heads towards the bathroom. "I'm going to get stuff to clean you up hold tight." 

Before she could stop it she felt tears run down your cheeks. Spencer was too busy getting a towel from his bathroom so he could clean her up. She put her shirt back on and moved to the middle of the bed. When Spencer walked in again he saw her silently crying, sitting in the middle of his bed. "Evangeline?" he put the towel down near the end of the bed. When Evangeline realized he was there a sob broke from her throat. He moved closer to her, which then she flinched at the sudden movement, he arched back but she moved closer to him and straddled his body hoping he would hug her back. 

He wrapped his arm around her, holding her tight, it felt like he would never let her go, like if he let her go she would disappear. As she sobbed into his shirt he would say small things like 'it's okay' or 'shhhh i'm right here'. He moved the two so that she was laying down while her head was pushed into his neck. She felt warm and safe; the two stayed there for what felt like hours before she pulled away "Thank you" she couldn't help but sniffled. 

"Don't thank me" He gave her a reassuring smile "Do you want to talk about it?" he was looking at her patiently waiting for an answer. 

"No" she gave a weak laugh "But I probably should, no interruptions please." She looked at him, she didn't want to look weak or pathetic but she needed to remind herself that she's human and it's okay to have emotions. 

"I don't think I truly believe that Ian is dead. Like my brain can't comprehend how I witnessed someone so important to me die, right in front of my eyes Spencer and I had no reaction to it. I mean right now I'm talking about it and I'm not crying!" she gave a single burst of laughter "Am I crazy? Am I exactly like them? Will I go batshit crazy and kidnap people and torture them? I'm terrified of that Spencer! I'm terrified that my stupid brothers death will ruin me and that I'll go insane and go off the rails maybe drink again! Why not! If i'm going to go crazy why not just go absolutely INSANE!" At this point she was pacing back and forth on the left side of his room. She truly did look crazy. 

Spencer just sat on the bed, mouth slightly parted, he didn't know what to say. 

What would I say to that?

He got up from sitting on the bed and made his way to her. The only action he did was hug her, even if she didn't hug him back he just stood there holding her in his arms. She eventually hugged him back and took in his embrace. She felt him lean into her before kissing her head. 

"You are nothing like them Evangeline. They are sociopaths, their brains were wired wrong at birth okay? You aren't crazy or insane, and I will be with you how ever long you want me to be here with you. Alright Eve? I won't let anything bad ever happen to you again." She could tell he was saying it mostly to reassure himself that he can protect her, but it made her happy to feel wanted, to feel loved.

The two laid down once again, holding each-other until Evangeline drifted off to sleep. Before she closed her eyes she thought about the events of today. She had sex with Spencer Reid a person she had considered her best friend, a person she had never considered someone she would have feelings for, then she had sex with him which afterwards she had a breakdown, and finally she ended up cuddling with him. 

What an emotional rollercoaster this night truly has been. 

But all she could think about right now in this moment was the man who made her feel the happiest, the man who she were slowly but surely falling in love with.

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note 04/10/22 - no comment um. it wasn't horrible will give myself that but i fixed it slightly and this whole thing made me realize i'm extremely touched deprived so thats something