April's Heart

A Case of the Ex

"How long have you known?" Jae asked.

"Just today," April replied, thinking back to the day before.

While she had been almost certain that her lightheadedness was the fault of her impending period, she had a nagging suspicion that there was another cause. So, when she went to the pharmacy to buy her tampons, sure she would need them, she also picked up a pregnancy test, hiding it among the other purchases until she could get back to the apartment and take it. She hardly expected a positive result so she took the test before bed and didn't check it until she was about to get into the shower the next morning,

Still cloaked in darkness, she was unable to see Jae's reaction. She hoped he was happy and not angry that she hadn't told him sooner. But how happy could he be mere hours after saying his final goodbye to his mother? She had no idea how he felt about fatherhood or about the prospect of being bound to her forever through another human being. In her mind, she prepared herself to tell him that she would raise the baby alone if she had to. She would go back to DC and he'd never hear from her again if that was what he wanted. She had to know. She felt like she had been lying there for hours waiting for his response.

"Well?"

"I don't know what to say," he whispered.

April's heart dropped. She felt so foolish, allowing herself to get pregnant. She knew better. She had always been so careful with Kenny but that was mostly because their sex was usually scheduled days in advance. Date, time, position. All planned out ahead of time. With Jae, it had been spontaneous. Always filled with passion. The last thing on her mind was what should have been first.

"I'm so sorry I let this happen, Jae. I'm so sorry."

"April," Jae said as he pulled away from her and rolled over, turning on the lamp.

With light suddenly filling the room, April could see that he was confused, that an apology was neither what he expected nor desired.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked as she sat up beside him.

"I guess because I don't know what you want. I don't know if you want this."

With great care, he took her hand, as if the moment she became pregnant she turned into a piece of fine china. Beautiful to hold but easily broken. He stared down at their hands, his thumb caressing hers, tracing small circles on her skin.

"I've never wanted anything more," he whispered.

She knew he had so much more to say to her, but for the moment he had said enough. She pulled him into her arms and for the rest of the night they held each other, mostly in silence. Their little family in its infancy, created out of love, huddled together in a small room of a small apartment in a big city. April could have so easily felt lost and alone, unmarried and pregnant but she reprimanded herself for ever believing that Jae would abandon her and their child. He kissed her as she fell asleep, his arms still around her. Protecting her. And as quickly as they had formed, all her fears melted away and she slept soundly.

April wasn't sure what time Jae had fallen asleep but she woke up with the rising sun as usual. She left him in bed as she showered, humming all the while, songs her mother sang to her when she was a child. Jae had yet to meet her mother and he told her he wanted to video chat with her as soon as possible and share the news. It wasn't the ideal way to introduce them, but she didn't feel right waiting too long to tell her.

There was so much to do, so many considerations, so many plans that had to be made. They had so much to look forward to but so much work as well and April was both nervous and excited.

When she turned off the shower, she heard a knock coming from the living room. She quickly wrapped a towel around herself and opened the bathroom door. Jae was still sleeping and she still didn't speak enough Korean to engage whoever might be there.