April's Heart

New Chapter

"If that's ok," April said, realizing that she hadn't been invited and may be an unwelcome guest on Jae's return trip home.

Jae seemed too shocked to speak and simply stood with his mouth open as April nervously twirled a curl around her finger.  Outside, a car horn snapped him out of his delirium.

"I don't know how to say this."

April's heart dropped.  How could she be so selfish?  Not even asking permission to travel with him, just assuming he'd jump at the chance to have her there.  He loved her but this trip was going to be emotionally draining and she hadn't regarded his feelings at all.

"It's ok," April said, "I should have asked you first.  I'm sorry."

"No," Jae said, taking her hand, "I want you to go."

"Really?"

"Of course.  I was going to ask you to come with me but I didn't want to interrupt your life.  I didn't think it fair to ask you to leave your home just so I could bring you to mine."

April smiled, full of relief and happiness.  She had been right all along, it wasn't the end.

"Come on," Jae said pulling her towards the elevator.  "We have to hurry."

She grabbed one of his suitcases and they ran down the hall together.  April couldn't help but almost laugh as they exited the building, put Jae's bags in the trunk and got into the Uber. 

"Oh my God," Jae said as they settled in for the forty-five minute drive to the airport.

"What is it?  Did you forget something?"

"No," Jae said, "you did.  You don't have any luggage or a ticket."

"Well, I may not have any luggage, but Kenny bought me a ticket online before he dropped me off."

"He did?"

April nodded remembering sitting in the car after the party that night.  She knew she was hurting Kenny by leaving so suddenly and if she thought there was any other way she would have stayed but she couldn't let Jae leave without her. 

"Are you going to be alright?" April had asked.

"Of course.  Don't worry about me.  I'll be fine."

"Kenny, you know how much you mean to me, don't you?"

Without a word he nodded, unable to look her in the eye.

"Do you remember our first date?"  April asked, feeling suddenly and understandably nostalgic.

Finally, Kenny looked at her, surprised.

"Of course I do.  I took you to that seafood restaurant," he said, smiling and shaking his head.

"Yep, and I couldn't eat a thing.  Even the drinks had some kind of fish in them."

"I should have asked you where you wanted to go.  I was such a pompous jerk."

"No, you weren't.  You were sweet.  You had them make me regular fries and a regular salad, no shrimp in sight.  I really appreciated that."

"Well, I liked you and I didn't want you to be hungry."

April laughed and Kenny watched her.  She knew he still loved her.  He always would.  Part of her wished that things had gone differently between them, that he had let his father do what he wanted and stayed with her.  She knew, though, how much he had grown while they were apart.  The kind of growing that is spurred by heartache and regret.  When he left her that chilly October day, he had been a boy.  The Kenny that sat beside her was a man.  A good man. She had no doubt that when he finally got over his feelings for her, he would find someone who loved him as much as, if not more than she had.  He deserved at least that much.  So, she knew that her leaving was the best thing for him.

"April this is probably out of line for me to ask but..."

"What?"

"Do you think I could have one last kiss?  I know I don't deserve it but, I guess since this time I get to say goodbye, I thought I'd ask."

April didn't even have to consider it.  She smiled and nodded, leaning closer to him.  He fidgeted in his seat for a moment before finally turning to her, obviously close to tears, as was she.  Gently, he pressed his lips to hers for what felt like the first time and she became acutely aware that this was going to be the last time they were together for a long while.  Somehow, she already missed him.

Sitting beside Jae on the way to the airport, April began to think about what lay ahead.  She was about to walk into a world that was so different than the one she was used to.  She didn't know the language or the culture.  Jae would be her only conduit into something completely foreign to her.  She was scared but also excited.  She had so rarely left the comfort of Washington that even a trip to another American city was exciting for her.  She didn't want to be a burden to Jae, he had so much to deal with already, so she prepared mentally to learn as much as she could as quickly as she could so that she could fend for herself if she needed to.

"I'll have to teach you some Korean," Jae said suddenly, reading her mind again. 

"I can't wait to learn," April replied. 

Jae squeezed her hand tighter and she rested her head on his shoulder.  She knew that when they landed, he would want to go right to his mother and she would go along.  She wondered if he had told his mother anything about her.  Did he tell her he had fallen in love with an American woman?  A black woman?  Would she accept April or would she try to chase her away the same way Kenny's father had?  She wanted to ask Jae what he thought but she knew he had enough to think about.  She tried to push any worry out of her mind but it seemed worry was all she could do.  She wondered if it would be better for both of them if she didn't go along to meet his mother.  Perhaps she should stay at a hotel and hide in order to give Jae a chance to be alone in the hospital without having to deal with any conflict.  No, she thought.  She would stand by Jae's side because whether she was accepted or not was not her problem.  She wasn't going so she could sit on the sidelines and watch as the world as he knew it ended.  She would support the man she loved no matter what.   

The closer they got to the airport, the more nervous April became.  She had never traveled so far from home before.  And the farthest she had flown was to Florida to visit her mother who had been there taking an extended vacation and had begged for weeks for April to join her.  Finally, she gave in and was glad she did.  The trip was wonderful but the flights were not.  Every bump, every jitter sent her stomach into a tailspin.  She was sure several times that the plane was going down and she was surprised to see no one else panicking as much as she was.  They must not have anything to live for, she foolishly surmised, as she waited for the oxygen masks to fall and the emergency instructions to play over the intercom.

Despite their seats being in separate sections, the flight was so empty that they were able to sit together with the permission of a particularly sweet flight attendant.  They also got extra blankets, extra peanuts and extra drinks, for which April was extremely grateful.  She allowed Jae to have the window seat and she clung to him from the moment they took off.

April tried to get as comfortable as her fear would allow.  She knew as the plane sped through the sky that there was no turning back.  She was on her way to another country with nothing but the clothes on her back and the money in her wallet.  It's crazy what love will make someone do.  It will make you give up everything in your life that is sure and secure and throw you up into the heavens with nothing to hold on to but the arm of the one you love.  It will make you leave your home, the only place you've ever known to make the one you love proud.  It will allow you to watch the one you love love someone else as you stand idly by unable to express how you feel.  Love is confusing and scary and can be humiliating but it's also wonderful and fulfilling.  April had no idea what she was in store for in Korea but she knew she was safe.  She was ready for this new chapter in her life even if it took her miles away from home because she knew she was always home as long as she was with Jae.