April's Heart

Forgiveness

It's amazing what time can do. How it can heal or harden a heart. There's no formula, rule, or logic that can rationalize how much time it takes to move on from loss or heartbreak. It's not determined by the depth or manner of the wound as kind words can be just as lethal as cruel ones depending on the context in which they are spoken. And the smallest scratch can, with time, widen into a soul swallowing chasm.

If one is lucky, time will help them forget. The sorrows suffered at the hands of a lover seem inconsequential when compared against the scope of an otherwise happy life. And when we forget we find that forgiveness, fight against it as we may, becomes easier and almost necessary.

"Do you still like extra butter?"

"April, of course," Kenny laughed as though her question was ridiculous.

"I don't know, with all this going on I thought you might not," she replied, motioning to his pecs, abs and arms. "What was I talking about?"

Kenny laughed. "Just, go get the popcorn, I'll save the seats," he said handing her a fifty dollar bill.

April smiled and turned to the concession counter. The line was as long as she expected it to be during the opening of a summer blockbuster. The superhero movie of the century. She had been planning to see it on opening night for over a year. She tried to play cool when Kenny suggested they go together. He knew she loved the genre and though he cared so little about any man in tights, he was there with her. Supporting her sick obsession. He had been there a lot lately. Supporting her. Eight months had passed since her painful breakup with Jae. If she could call it a breakup. They hadn't even been on one date. Still, not seeing where it could have gone, what they could have meant to each other was painful nonetheless. After which they had again become strangers.

First, they avoided each other. She once went a week without getting her mail because he was in the hall or waiting for the elevator every time she tried. Instead, she just quietly closed the door hoping he didn't notice her to avoid any kind of confrontation. After a while, though, she stopped caring. She was able to walk past him and not yearn for him to call out to her. She could ride in an elevator with him, staring at her phone until they got off and she went to her door, never once looking at him. She was aware of him though. Aware of his eyes on her. But she pretended not to notice, laughing at nothing until she was out of his sight.

Kenny was such a comfort. In the days just after the fight, he helped keep her mind off Jae. He invited her to his exercise classes, stoking rumors among all the pregnant women. He took her to dinner, to the theater, shopping. Pretty much anything to keep her from turning into a shut-in. Which is exactly what she would have become had it not been for him. He was very present and very welcome. She had nearly forgotten all the anguish he himself had caused her. It could have seemed as if he was doing a good deed to absolve himself of guilt. But he wasn't. He was doing it because he cared about her. He knew her, even after having been away from her for so long. He still understood her. She didn't know what she would have done had he not been there.

April still stood in line, even after letting her thoughts wander. She had moved slightly but she wasn't worried about missing anything. She had forced Kenny to get them there an hour early. She still had plenty of time to get popcorn, get to her seat and not miss one minute of action-packed adventure. She watched excitedly as the menu screens above the snack bar flashed pictures of the stars of the movie advertising a special. Two large popcorns and two large drinks for only $30. That was quite a savings. She would get that when she finally reached the cashier and force Kenny to let her have his commemorative cup when he was done with it.

April was starting to get a bit bored and sleepy when suddenly a laugh pierced the relative tranquility of the lobby. The laugh of a woman trying too hard. April rolled her eyes so glad she wasn't on a date. She looked in the direction of the laugh and saw a familiar-looking woman in the line next to hers. One she had seen before but couldn't remember where. She was wearing a very tight dress and very high heels, taking her 5'3" all the way up to around 5'9". April sighed and turned her attention back to her line which was beginning to move. When she finally reached the counter and made her order the woman in the heels was at the counter next to her. She was hanging all over a man who April couldn't see but he must have been a stand-up comedian because his date never stopped giggling. He took his buckets of popcorn and turned towards April causing her to nearly drop hers. The stand-up comedian was Jae.

Trying to make a quick getaway while holding two giant popcorns and sodas wasn't easy. She ran away, eyes down and barreled headfirst into a door, dropping a popcorn. She was going to just let it go and keep running when a voice from behind her stopped her in her tracks.

"Here, let me."

She turned around and found Jae picking up her popcorn. He obviously didn't know it was her until he stood up because he dropped it again when he saw her.

"Thanks, but I got it."

"April," Jae said as she picked up the bucket, shuffling her other purchases in her arms.

"Come on, babe."

The woman in the heels walked over and grabbed Jae by the arm. Now April recognized her.

"HaJoon," she said, shocked.

"Ne?"

Jae whispered to her in Korean and she walked away, sulking.

"It's not what you think."

"I don't think it's anything, Jae. Even if I did, I'd have no right to. Enjoy your date."

April tried to walk away with as much dignity as she could muster with popcorn and cherry Pepsi spilling from her arms with every step. Be dignified, be dignified she repeated in her head though that ship had sailed and sunk.

When she finally got inside the theater Kenny was waving wildly to her from a seat in the middle of a row.

"Really?"

She pardon and excued me'd her way to her seat and plopped down in a huff.

"I could have gotten the snacks, April," Kenny said, noticing her bad mood.

"It's not that. Jae's here on a date."

"Where?" Kenny asked, looking all around as if he was going to jump up and defend April's honor.

"Calm down. He's in the lobby. Anyway, he has every right to date, Kenny."

"Yeah, well, he had to know you'd be here tonight."

As the lights went down April tried to think if she ever mentioned to Jae that she liked these types of movies. She didn't know but if Jae had shown up with a date knowing she would see them there he was a jerk anyway. Who cares? She thought. I'm just going to forget about him and enjoy the movie. At least she tried but HaJoon's voice kept ringing in her ears. Come on, babe. How irritating.

"Don't let it ruin your night. You've been waiting forever to see this movie," Kenny whispered.

"Nothing is ruining my night. I'm fine."

"You're fine, huh? Where's your straw?"

April looked around for the straw. She didn't remember ever having it as her soda sat in the cup holder untouched. Kenny took her arm and raised it revealing to her the straw balled up in her clenched fist.

"I like them this way," she said unwrapping the mangled straw and jamming it into her soda.

Kenny rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the screen.

April didn't know why she was so angry. She had gotten over Jae. She was in a good place. She was seeing the last installment of her favorite movie franchise. She was supposed to be happy and she had been until she saw her. Why did Jae's questionable taste in women have any effect on her now? It doesn't, she decided as the lights went down and the previews began. She got cozy in her seat next to Kenny and got ready to enjoy three hours of action.