April's Heart

Ready or Not

As the days passed April and Jae moved nearly as one. Together they buried his mother's ashes, just the two of them alone in the cemetery, her only mourners. As they walked hand in hand from her grave, the sun dipped behind a cloud as though recognizing their grief and hiding to match it. April cried silently for a woman she hardly knew. She cried because she was the mother of the man she loved and the grandmother of a child she wouldn't get the chance to meet. Jae was silent most of the morning, speaking only to whisper words that April didn't have to speak the language to understand.

Along the path on which they walked under the dreary branches of a weeping willow tree sat a bench. Jae stopped in front of it and motioned for April to sit with him. He held her hand on his lap and she carelessly noticed the sharp crease in the leg of his new suit. A suit he bought just for the occasion and that she knew he'd never wear again.

"I've been thinking," he said, startling her.

"About what?"

"We should go home."

"Ok," April said, leaning forward to stand up.

But Jae pulled her back gently.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I meant back to your home. To DC."

"What?"

April couldn't believe what she was hearing. She never thought Jae would want to leave Korea after finally getting back after so many years of unhappiness in America. Ansan was his home, it was where he was born. She had secretly been looking forward to raising their child there. Watching him play where Jae had played, live where he had lived, and enjoy the rich and beautiful culture.

"I know you're surprised and if you want to stay we will but after everything that's happened...I can't explain how I feel. I thought that whatever was wrong with me would be remedied by being here, but I still feel all the same things. If anything, it's worse here because this place is so filled with memories."

April knew that the memories Jae spoke of weren't fond childhood memories like the ones she had of her home. They were of his mother's struggle, a broken home, and his own failed marriage.

"I don't know why I thought it would be different," he said, lowering his head.

"Because you're older now. You thought that the past was in the past but here you come face to face with it"

Jae looked at April and she knew he thought she was talking about JiWoo and she was but that was only part of it. Though she still didn't know what they had fought about when she showed up uninvited, she had a feeling it wasn't over, that if they stayed, JiWoo would become a roadblock to their happiness. She also knew that in America his memories could be tempered by walking down the streets of a different city, eating different food. So little reminded him of his home that sometimes he could forget, getting so lost in his surroundings that the past would have nothing to latch onto and for the most part stay in the past.

"We can talk more about it later. Let's take a walk and have lunch."

"Ok," April said.

She was shocked he wanted to go out. Since his mother passed he only ventured from the apartment when it was absolutely necessary. If the shop where he got his suit delivered, he wouldn't have left even for that.

As they walked he showed her points of interest from his childhood. They passed his elementary school and a park where he used to play after school. He took her to the botanical gardens and watched her as she gazed in awe at the beautiful foliage and flowers. They talked about her photography and her hopes for her future career.