April's Heart

Soju

"So," Kenny began as they buckled their seatbelts, "what's bothering you?"

Dinner had gone relatively well, all things considered. The talk remained small and comfortable. They discussed work, weather, and politics, something on which they had always agreed. Kenny knew which topics to avoid to keep things civil and when he felt the conversation approaching one he deftly changed the subject.

"What do you mean?" April asked. "Nothing."

"Three empty bottles of Soju say different. I know you. You only drink when you're upset."

April rolled her eyes, not because he was wrong but because she was annoyed that he was right and that he really did still know her so well.  She would rather think that he remembered what he used to know.  She was far from the same person he left a year before.  Of course some things would have remained the same, such as her bad habit of  turning to alcohol as a numbing agent. And as irritating as it was, she had to face facts. She had done a lot more drinking than usual. The situation with Jae had gone from dreamy to creepy in no time flat. How could he say he loved her? They didn't even know each other. I don't  even know  his last name, she thought.  Do I know my last name?   Huh, Soju is amazing.

"Was it something I did? Maybe this wasn't..."

"No, Kenny, it wasn't you. I actually had a good time tonight."

Kenny sighed, obviously relieved he hadn't driven her to drink, again.

"I'm glad," Kenny said, starting the car.

April closed her eyes and relaxed into the cozy heated seat. The alcohol was making her feel weightless, as if she could float around the inside of the car if the seatbelt wasn't holding her down.

"So, who is he?"

Slowly, April opened her eyes, afraid she had been talking in her sleep, though she was fairly certain she hadn't been sleeping.

"Who's who?"

"The man you've been thinking about all night."

"What? Man? Thinking?"

"Yes, April. It's the Korean guy from your building, isn't it? The one you were with last night."

"You remember that?"

"Vaguely. It's hard to forget seeing a man almost kiss the woman you...let go."

"Kenny..."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"It better be."

Even drunk, April was shocked by Kenny's tone. Who was this man beside her? Suddenly so willing to stand up for her when a year ago he left her because his father told him to. Where was this Kenny back then?  She wanted to ask him but she felt  like there was something else she was supposed to be doing.  She knew she was definitely supposed to say something.  Something important.  But thinking was too hard, so she  stopped and relaxed again, closing her eyes, allowing the alcohol to numb her body and mind. She felt herself begin to drift. Not to sleep but to what felt like another consciousness. As if she was looking in at her life from the outside. The confusion she felt at dinner was like a distant memory. All seemed clear.  Why not let Jae love her? Why not love him in return? Who's to say what it takes to love someone or how long. His feelings were obviously deep and she wasn't about to turn him away. She was ready to accept what he had to offer.  She'd have to tell him as soon as she got home.

"April," Kenny was saying as he gently shook her shoulder, "we're here."

"That was fast,"

She smiled up at him, now feeling the full effects of the soju. She giggled when he unbuckled her seatbelt for no reason other than she expected to float away. Instead, she slumped against the door.