April's Heart

Perfect/Regret

Despite, or possibly because of everything, April slept like a log. A snoring, drooling log. She had somehow gotten turned around during the night and her feet were resting comfortably on the pillow, her head hanging off the end of the bed. Her hair was an absolute mess, wound around her head like cotton candy around a stick. Her head was pounding to the beat of some internal death metal music.

"Here."

She tried to look around to see where the voice was coming from but all she could see was hair and blanket.

"Who's there?" She asked, trying to clear her vision and reaching out into the abyss of her bedroom.

"It's me," Kenny said, grabbing her hand and pulling her up.

"You're still here?"

"No, I'm a figment of your Soju soaked imagination. Drink this."

"You're one to talk Mr. Passing Out on My Lawn."

He handed her a glass of water ignoring her snide comment and she gulped it down like she'd been stranded in the desert for a month. He stood with his hands on his hips, watching her, not even trying to hide his disgust.

"Ok, I know," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "I'm pathetic."

"I wouldn't say pathetic. Booze fueled, maybe. Insane, definitely."

"Thanks."

"Look," Kenny said, sitting beside her, "I don't know what that was all about last night and it's none of my business either, but if you care about this guy, don't let him go. Believe me, you'll regret it."

"I might not have a choice."

It was beginning to set in that she may never be able to fix what she had so carelessly broken. She let her fears and insecurities turn something beautiful into a mess. And now that she had decided to let Jae love her, she was afraid he no longer wanted to.

"I," April said, standing, trying to pretend her head and heart weren't killing her, "have pictures to edit."

She left Kenny sitting on her bed and went to her computer. She found the photos of the wedding and began working. Kenny stayed and offered her food and drink at regular intervals, which she refused. Hours passed and her eyes never left the screen, her mind never wandered from the task at hand. She reasoned that if she could just sit there forever she'd never have to face her reality. Unfortunately, she fell short of forever and the last edit of the last picture was complete. She exported the pictures and e-mailed them to the planner who would, in turn, send them to the bride.

The usual feeling of accomplishment she felt when finishing a large assignment was tempered by the hollow feeling in her chest. She sighed heavily and tried to think of something else to do. She had to get out, being in her apartment only reminded her of Jae. If things went on like this she would have to move.

"Let's go out," Kenny said cheerfully, emerging from April's bedroom where he had made her bed and at some point vacuumed.

He had always had this annoying habit of reading her mind. When they were together she liked to think it was a sign that they were linked by some telepathic love bond. Now, she was sure he was the devil.

"I don't want to," she lied.

"Come on," he said, pulling her up by her wrists. He pushed her into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. "Don't come out until your hair is curly again."

That could take months, she said to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. What had become of her? Kenny was her savior? Jae hated her, presumably. Her hair was becoming a metaphor for her life, twisted and out of control and there wasn't enough conditioner in the world to fix it.