"Kill Me, Attorney." (Law Series #3)

PART THIRTY-SIX: WHICH IS FALSE LOVE? (THE AFTERMATH)

"LET'S BREAK UP."

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko nang muling umalingawngaw ang mga salitang iyon sa isip ko.

Napatingin pa nga ako sa paligid upang makasiguradong walang ni-isang pasahero ng bus ang makakakita sa muling pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ko.

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang malalim at tiningnan ang bintana.

Ilang araw na rin ang nakalilipas simula nang ilibing si Newt at ilang araw na rin ang nakalilipas nang makipaghiwalay si Andrius. Sa mga araw na nagdaan ay mas lalo lang akong nahihirapan. Hanggang ngayon ay sariwa pa rin sa isip ko ang lahat, ganoon din ang sakit na hanggang ngayon ay sobrang hirap tanggapin.

"Ganoon nalang ba kadali 'yon?" nangingiyak kong sabi.

"Neska..." Andrius uttered and I saw how emotional his eyes were when he noticed how tears were escaping my eyes uncontrollably.

"It doesn't make sense, Andrius," I said and my voice cracked. "Normal lang naman na may pagkakataon na hindi ako ganoon ka-kumportable, 'di ba? Kasi bago pa lang tayo pero 'pag nagtagal, hindi ba't kusa nalang 'yon nangyayari? Andrius, just... just allow us some time to grow and I promise, I'd be comfortable with you the same way I am with Casper. Just give us time, please..."

Andrius gulped and when he can't handle it anymore, he wiped off the tears from my cheeks while giving me a weak smile.

"Neska, do you trust me?" he asked.

I slowly nodded while another wave of tears were forming in my eyes.

"You know I don't make sudden decisions, right?" he asked and he tucked my hair behind my ear. "That it usually takes me a lot of time to decide because I weight all the possibilities and consequences."

"Anong gusto mong sabihin?" tanong ko. "Na matagal mo na 'tong iniisip at ngayon ka lang nagkaroon  ng lakas ng loob?"

Andrius smiled so weak and gave me a nod while tears were glimmering in his eyes.

"I wanted to let you go but whenever I see your smile, whenever I hear you laughing about literally anything, and whenever our eyes meet, nanghihina ako. 'How do I let go the only person who made me realize that I'm capable to love?' That's what I always think of."

Andrius sighed and it was clear that he was hurting.

"That's why I'm setting you free now, Neska. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob uli."

"When you love someone and you want to keep them with you forever, it's a matter of decision, of choice," I reasoned out. "The choice of holding on still, the choice of overlooking for possibilities to make things work again. If this doesn't work then we try this. It's not you against me, it's us against the problems, Andrius."

"I don't know," he said. "I'm afraid of ruining you. I'm afraid of drowning you again. I'm afraid I might unintentionally break you. You're too precious and you don't  deserve even the slightest sting, Neska."

Andrius then took my hand and pressed my palm.

"That's why you have to trust my decision. I know, it doesn't make sense now but time will come that you'd thank me for this."

He met my eyes once more.

"So don't cry, hmm?" he said and he wiped off the tears on my cheeks. "I just... want you to be happy."