Obstacles [BOOK 3]

15

Janet

Just when things seem to be going good... life sometimes turns upside down. Unexpectedly. Almost ungodly. Almost like mistakes were made in choices.

"So wait, what're you saying?" Kyrin asked me softly as we sat in front of the therapist. "Because it sounds like you're saying that you shut down because I was being a mother... which is what I'm supposed to do. Is it not?"

I took a breath, knowing that I could word this entirely wrong if I didn't think it through. Slowly, I replied. "I'm saying, that I felt attacked and I shut down. I shut down because my motherhood was questioned and I felt like I was failing where you were improving."

"Okay... so that's understood. That's clear. This is where we're losing each other at, why on Earth was I the attack goat for something that I didn't do? I mean you dogged me out like I was some stranger on the street instead of—."

The therapist cut her off. "Okay Kyrin.. let's remember what I suggested earlier. Let's express how it made you feel."

Little did the therapist know, my wife was getting short tempered with this entire session. We'd discussed coming here before taking anymore large steps in our relationship but I don't think we realized how much we would have to rehash and relive through.

Kyrin scoffed before clasping her hands together. "Okay. Well Janet, when you talked to me like some random off the street it made me feel like a piece of shit. That work for you Doc?"

Dr. Reynolds looked at me slightly, but it was her fault at this point. I had warned her before we entered this that it was easy to make my wife's wall shoot up. She spoke softly again. "Why do you feel attacked right now?"

"Attacked?"

"Yes Kyrin, attacked. I can tell because you're very guarded and angry right now. So why do you feel attacked?"

"I don't feel attacked. I just don't like to be cut off too many times."

"Well I won't cut you off. Go ahead. Tell Janet what you need to tell her." The Doctor motioned her forward.

It was a moment of silence before my wife looked at me. "Okay... maybe I lied to you. You said a lot of hurtful things to me. You— you made me feel small. You belittled me and threw things in my face. And maybe it doesn't make sense but you made me feel unwanted. Really really really unwanted. So then.. so then somebody wanted me and I bit. It was stupid and is in no way excusing my actions but I saw someone who didn't make me feel small. Who didn't belittle me and who wanted me..."

"That's all you lied about? Or is something else about to come out that's gonna let me know I wasted time bringing us to this session?" I asked her suddenly.

She nodded softly. "I just lied about being over it too be honest. I don't think I truly am. I'm not saying I'm going to hold it over your head because Lord knows I'm tired of constantly doing that. It's me saying that some days I may not be myself because I'll be too busy trying to put things back together. Too busy trying to make it okay again..."