Obstacles [BOOK 3]

28

Juliette

My mind was running, it seemed as though I was walking on needles in my own home. Almost as if I had no clue who I had gotten engaged to and that.. that was not a good feeling. This is what I did for a living, talked and listened.. sometimes diagnosing but rarely did I ever think that was my place.

I knew my wife though. Yet somehow whatever season she stood in, it was one I rarely got the chance to see in real time on a daily basis. Though rare, it still struck an oddly familiar nerve in me. I was familiar with the amount of anger my wife seemed to be displaying. However, I knew eventually that facade would fade. It always did, even if just for a day or two, it always settled into something else. Something softer and something foreign yet it still sent waves through your being.

Today was that day for my wife. Today was the day it settled and sent shock waves through her.

Our bodies sat on the floor of our closet, looking at each other in silence. The air switching from tense to more intense at rapid paces as we sat. It wasn't clear exactly what settled her but I knew that she was no longer feeling anger in this moment.

"I don't know..." Her head shook as she trailed off. "I guess I just thought that solace would bring me peace because I've spent so many countless years feeling alone even when I was surrounded by family. I thought that this is what I needed."

"To be alone?"

"Yes."

"And peace is all that you were longing for?"

Our eyes met softly before she shook her head again. "Not just peace. Silence... and I thought that if they weren't there then that would give me the truth of if I needed them or not. I have went years feeling like I didn't need my family because in my mind they weren't really counting me in. I haven't spoken my peace, never stirred the pot.. even when all Hell was breaking loose. I never got the chance to speak up and that's what that book did for me... Even if it hurt them along the way."

I didn't agree with her stance.. not in one single bit. She'd locked herself in the office of our home for nights on end working on the book that she refused to give me much detail on. To then have it be published, with my eyes setting on the pages merely hours before the book hit wind of the world.. it felt like an ambush and I doubted that my wife could see that point of view.

"So you spoke your peace at the expense of your family?"

"I know you may not agree with me Julie.. but yes."

"Okay."

"Say more than okay."

"What would you like me to say?"

"I would like you to turn on your therapist mode and make me see what I'm missing because right now I cannot see their point of views. Right now, I don't see why they can't get over this like I've had to get over everything they've done to me my entire life."

Sighing, I sat up and looked her in her eyes as I began reading her some rights. "You're wrong Em. Dead wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right and putting the shoes on someone else's foot doesn't warrant the same reaction you may have given even wearing those same shoes. Everyone's different. Everyone's changing and most importantly everyone's growing."

"And what if I feel like I've outgrown them?"

"You'll always feel like you're outgrowing someone. Even if it's a distant thought. Even if time passes and no one speaks. Or if you all meet up and a disagreement is had that makes you view each other differently. Outgrowing isn't the word you're looking for. I do not believe that everyone grows towards the same thing. It's a myth that people want to believe. Everyone grows at their own paces towards their own goals."

She nodded softly before speaking again. "Okay and I get that but that doesn't erase my hurt."

"So let's be real for a moment, can we?"

"Of course."

Soon, I called my wife out. "When are you going to stop pointing that finger of yours at everyone else and instead point it at you? These are beginning to be self made problems Ember. Yes, your parents shouldn't have pressured you to stay and take care of them but Ember in the end, it became your choice. Your bitterness towards Kyrin and Phoebe is that they ultimately made a choice you didn't have the balls to make. You need to have that conversation with yourself and look in the mirror."

The silence that met us next would have made the weak choke but it was us. One of the reasons I'd fallen in love with Ember was the fact that she could have real conversations and be real throughout the entire process. Before I knew love was what I was feeling, I knew that our talks would send nothing but feelings throughout my body. So I knew she would respond... and soon, she did.

"I can have that conversation..."

"Can you though? Because it's going to be a hard one. Accountability has to be the first step here because I don't think you get it..."

"Get what?"

"Get the fact that you have hurt every single one of your family members. Get the fact that when all of this is said and done, family is sometimes all we have. Get the fact that out of all people on this Earth, I have your back, front, and sides the most yet you still decided to group me in with them. Get the fact that when you have this conversation with yourself— when you heal from this, that you are going to have to have these harsh talks with your family over and over again until they get tired. Get the fact that you have shaken not only this households but completely shaken others whom did not deserve it." I ranted before asking. "Did you not think about any of these consequences?"

Tears were in the brim of her eyes and before she could wipe them, they began to fall. I would always offer my wife comfort, it was one of my love languages, but right now I seemed to be rooted to my seat. Something told me that comfort was not what she needed. She needed to be uncomfortable with this revelation. She had to be.

"I'm sorry Ju."

"I'm not the one you need to be apologizing to. I forgave you a long time ago because I know that you were not intentionally trying to hurt me... but baby that's me. I know my wife inside and out, I know what makes your heart tick. I've read every single page of the book that makes you, you. I know your heart... but that's just me. You don't show your family that. You don't give them that side of you and usually I would tell you that I respect your decision on that. Just to try to not get involved with that but now I must say," I stood up trying to find my last words as one of the boys began to cry. "I guess I must say that it is coming back to bite you in the ass, royally."