If I can't have you

fourteen

Stepping under the shower, I let the hot water wash away the events of last night. I wash my hair while my mind keeps going back to every little detail about what Shawn and I did, involuntary smiling by myself. He just left my room a few minutes ago and when we go downstairs for breakfast we’ll have to pretend we weren’t together the whole night. Knowing myself, I’m sure my cheeks will stay red the whole time, because there’s no way I won’t replay everything in my head when I see his face. After blow drying my hair, I put on the school’s uniform and walk downstairs. Everyone is already in the kitchen when I walk in, Layla, Ella and my dad at the table eating while Shawn is at the counter pouring coffee in his mug.

 “ Good morning.” I say with a smile, being greeted back by everyone as I stop next to Shawn to take a mug from the cabinet. He looks at me with a smile as we have our backs to everyone else, taking my usual mug from the cabinet above us before I can do it myself and serving me some coffee. “ Thank you.”

 We walk to the table and spend the next twenty minutes eating while the rest of the family does the talking. We stay mostly in silence while stealing glances and touching hands and feet under the table, so when we finally get inside his car I can’t take it anymore. I grab his face and kiss his lips like I’ve been dying to do since he left my room earlier, but we quickly pull away when we hear the front door of the house open and my dad and Layla walking out. Shawn pulls out of the driveway and the second we’re parked in school’s property, he kisses me again. I’m not sure what it is, but it feels different somehow, like we just connected on another level after last night. We become inseparable for the rest of the day, even more than usual, and our hidden touches are no longer so discreet in front of people. I don’t know if we’re just getting bolder or if we stopped caring that much about anyone finding out.

 “ Just get a room, you two.” Brian says during lunch, teasing us for our obvious touches and affection when we’re all eating.

 “ Maybe a camping tent instead of a room.” Julia says with a laugh, making me almost choke with my food. I can’t stop coughing and Shawn hands me his bottle of water, so I take a few sips before I can finally breathe properly. Julia is looking at us while holding her laugh, which makes Shawn suspicious by the look on his face. She noticed there was something different in the way Shawn and I were acting around each other, and since I wanted to talk about it with someone, I ended up telling her earlier. Later, when Shawn is driving us back home, Shawn asks me about it and I’ve never been more embarrassed of telling him something. He blushes at first, but doesn't seem as bothered as I was.

 “ Thank God it wasn’t Brian.” Shawn says after I tell him that Julia heard us that night when we were camping. “ He wouldn’t let me live without reminding me of it every second of the day.”

 “ That’s all you have to say?” I ask with a laugh.

 “ Come on, baby.” He says with a smile when we’re parked in front of the house. “ It’s not that big of a deal. She just likes to tease you because you get all embarrassed.”

 “ What was that?” I ask in surprise.

 “ What?” Shawn sounds confused as he looks at me.

 “ That thing you just called me.” I say shyly.

 “ Oh.” He says blushing. “ I didn’t mean to.”

 “ Right.” I look away at the window, wishing he had meant it.

 “ But I kind of like it.” He whispers, placing his hand under my chin and making me look at him. “ Do you mind if I say it again?”

 “ If you want to.” I say, trying to hide a smile.