If I can't have you

eleven

We’re two days away from winter break ending when Ella knocks on my bedroom door and asks if she can come in. It makes me nervous that she might have finally put two and two together about Shawn and me, but I just tell her to come in and she closes the door behind her before sitting on the edge of my bed. I put down the book I’m reading and wait for her to break the silence.

 “ I wanted to talk to you about Shawn.” She finally says, turning to me so we’re face to face.

 “ Okay.” I say quietly, hoping I don’t give anything away by how nervous I look.

 “ Your dad and I are so happy that you two are getting along. I can tell you’ve become really close friends, but I’m concerned about a few things.” I just nod my head, not really knowing what to say. “ There’s no easy way to ask this, but Shawn won’t even talk to me about it. Is there anything happening between you two?”

 “ What do you mean?” I ask with a small laugh, trying not to look guilty.

 “ I mean, are you two really just friends?” I’m taken aback for a second because I wasn’t expecting her to confront me so directly about it.

 “ Yes. Of course we’re just friends.” I say after a long pause that I hope doesn’t give away the lie I just told her.

 “ I’m only asking this because I know Shawn and even though we have a very open relationship, he’s never going to admit it, but I think he might have a small crush on you.” I feel my face blushing from embarrassment, so I’m sure my cheeks are a dark shade of pink right now. My face must be one of complete shock because Ella laughs at my reaction and before either of us can say anything else, there’s a knock on my door.

 “ Mila?” I hear Shawn’s voice as he opens the door to look for me, finding his mom with a smile on her face and me with a pleading look on my eyes. “ Mom?” He asks in confusion.

 “ I was just leaving.” Ella says with a smile and giving me a look before leaving us alone. I’m so confused at this point. I don’t know what that was. Was she trying to ask me to let him down or was she saying she would approve of us being together?

 “ What was that?” Shawn asks, still confused after he locks the door.

 I lie down on the mattress and bury my face on my pillow, not really knowing how to tell him the conversation I just had with his mom.

 “ I don’t know.” I say as the pillow muffles my voice. I can hear his footsteps as he walks closer to the bed and then I feel the mattress shifting under me as he lies down next to me. His arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me against him, his chest pressing against my back as he places a kiss on my neck. “ She thinks you have a crush on me.” I finally say quietly.

 “ What?” He asks in surprise, sitting up on the bed and looking down at me waiting for more details.

 “ She asked me if we’re really just friends.” I whisper as I sit up, not wanting anyone to hear what we’re talking about. “ She knows something is up, she’s not dumb. She thinks you like me, but I don’t know why she would tell me this.”

 “ She tried to talk to me the other day, asking me if there was any girl I was interested in.” He confesses. “ I didn’t think much of it, she always asks me these things like she’s teasing me or something.”

 “ Maybe she was trying to know if I liked you too.” I look away when I say this, feeling a little bit self-conscious that we’re having this conversation.

 “ Did she seem angry or annoyed?” He asks as he takes my hand and starts playing with my fingers.

 “ No, not at all.” My eyes go to our hands and a small smile forms on my lips. “ Do you think they’ll be mad if they find out?”