If I can't have you

six

My eyes are focused on the huge screen in front of me when I feel Shawn touching my hand in the dark. I immediately look at him in surprise, not because of what he's doing, but because our friends are right here. I'm sitting next to him, who's followed by Julia, Alessia, Brian and his cousin that was in town for the weekend and came to watch the movie with us. I can see they're all paying attention to the psychological thriller playing on the screen, but I'm still scared someone might see us holding hands. It's not like we're secretly dating or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's what it would look like if anyone saw our fingers interlocked with our hands rested on my lap. I look at the rest of the group before looking at Shawn again, and when our eyes lock, I can't force myself to let his hand go. The darkness in the room combined with the way he's looking at me makes me want to risk everything and try to kiss him right here. I can tell he wants to do the same, so before either of us do anything we might regret, I rest my head on his shoulder and go back to pay attention to the movie. It might also look suspicious, but it's definitely less risky than the thoughts filling both of our minds.

As we walk outside of the movie theater, Shawn is no longer holding my hand, but I can still feel the touch of his thumb over the back of my hand. We're walking side by side on the sidewalk as Julia and Brian argue about the ending of the movie, one finding it satisfactory and the other saying it sucked. We all stop for a moment, waiting to cross the street to where Shawn and Julia parked their cars, when I feel Shawn placing a hand on my back. It sends shivers down my spine and I take awhile to realize Julia just asked me something.

" Sorry. What?" I ask, looking at her in confusion.

" What did you think about the mom being the killer?" Her voice sounds curious, like she truly wants to know my opinion.

" Hum..." I start, trying to remember anything about that part of the movie, but failing miserably. " I..."

" She slept half of the movie." Brian says with a laugh. " I saw her sleeping on Shawn's shoulder." My eyes go wide for a second and I immediately look at Shawn, who smiles and laughs with Brian.

" She didn't even know the mom was the killer." Shawn says and winks at me when no one is looking. We both know I wasn't sleeping, but it was also impossible to pay attention to anything when he was right there next to me. My eyes find Alessia's for a second and it's pretty obvious she saw Shawn winking at me because of the look on her face. At first I just assume she thought it was weird, but then I see something else in her eyes, she seems almost mad at me.

The next day is a monday and he drives us to school carefully because it's raining really hard. I share my umbrella with him so we can walk from the parking lot to the main building, but we still end up with our clothes wet. Halfway through the first period of classes, the energy at the school goes off and the principal let's us know the whole town is under a blackout because of the storm. We're not allowed to leave the school property until the power is back, which takes a lot more than what everyone was expecting. We sit down on the hallway floor and Alessia starts telling us about her costume for Hallowen, which is this Friday. We're all going to a party at one of the guys from Shawn and Brian's swim team house, and Alessia and Julia are matching their outfits as angel and devil. I still don't know what I'm going as, but they promised to help me find something before the party.

Once the power is back, it's already time for everyone to go back home and the rain has stopped. The next day the girls take me shopping after school and I settle on a simple witch costume, composed only by a short black dress with puffy sleeves, fishnets and a hat. Julia and I do most of the talking while Alessia stays quiet most of the time. I thought I noticed she was avoiding me on purpose since our movie night, but now I'm sure. She hasn't talked directly to me since that night and I have no idea why she's acting like that. The rest of the week goes by pretty quickly and on Thursday Shawn and Brian have their first swim practice of the season, which I watch while waiting for Shawn. They're both pretty good, but Shawn is definitely the fastest on the team. He seems so in his element that I have no idea why he's not sure this is what he wants to do in life. After the practice, we walk to the parking lot and Brian waves us goodbye before driving away. We get inside Shawn's car as the rain starts again, but the engine won't start. He tries several times before walking outside and trying to find out the problem, until he gives up and we try to call Ella to pick us up. She doesn't answer the phone and we know my dad is at work, so we decide to walk home and he'll come back later with my dad to find out what's wrong with his car.