If I can't have you

nine

Looking at my reflection in the mirror in front of me, I can’t stop myself from smiling as I think about these last few days. Since the day of Shawn’s swimming competition we haven’t been able to stay away from each other and I’m pretty sure Ella noticed we’ve been spending a lot of time together. I was terrified that she or my dad would suspect something was happening between us, but Shawn overheard them having a conversation yesterday and they just think we’re becoming close friends, which is not a lie. Besides all the kissing in corners and empty rooms, he’s been the friend I needed since I moved here. He asks about my mom all the time, not like that’s what he needs to do, but because he’s really interested to know about her. I thought it would be hard to talk about her with anyone who wasn’t my grandma, but turns out Shawn makes the subject a lot lighter for me to talk about.

 I start stretching my arms as I breath hard after dancing for almost an hour, the mirror along Ella’s yoga studio showing my tired and sweaty reflection. I didn’t even think it was possible to sweat like this when the weather is so cold, but I was definitely wrong. I have my arms up in the air with my eyes closed when I feel a hand touching the skin of my waist where my shirt rolled up. I don’t even have to open my eyes to know it's Shawn, but when I do it, I’m met with a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes looking back at me through the mirror. He has sweatpants and a t-shirt on, and I know he just got back from running, but he doesn’t even look tired or sweaty. His hand is still on my bare waist as I get chills down my body, knowing that’s a lot more than what we’ve been doing. Yes, we’ve been kissing every opportunity we have, but they’re always pretty innocent and the way his hand is touching my skin right now is making me wonder about some so not innocent things.

 “ Ella is home.” I whisper as I clear my throat and walk to where I left my phone in the corner of the room. He smiles at me and nods his head, but the look on his face tells me he knows exactly why I reacted like this. “ I should go take a shower.”

 I leave the studio and walk upstairs with him right behind me and before I open the door to my bedroom, Shawn pulls me by the hand and backs me against the door. A small gasp of surprise leaves my lips before he kisses me, whispering in my ear right after. 

 “ Come to my room after dinner.” His voice is soft as he says it, not like a demand, but rather a question he really wants me to say yes to.

 I nod my head slowly as he places a quick kiss over my lips and walks to his bedroom, leaving me there speechless. It takes me a few seconds to stop looking at his closed door across from me on the hallway and get inside my own room. After taking a shower and changing into a pair of black leggings and a baby pink sweater, I walk downstairs and offer Ella help with dinner. My dad gets home from work when we’re almost done with it, finding Layla running after Coco in the kitchen while I laugh and Ella yells at them to stop. Shawn walks into the kitchen just in time to see it, taking Layla in his arms and walking out with her while Coco follows them. I can hear them laughing and I’m pretty sure he’s tickling her from how much she’s screaming. Half an hour later we all sit down to eat dinner and I end up sitting across from Shawn, which makes it impossible for us to hold hands under the table, so instead I feel our feets touching as he smiles at me. I don’t know how such a small gesture can feel so special, but it does.

 “ Camila, darling, how is school going?” Ella’s voice makes me look up from the food in front of me, which I was staring at in an attempt to not stare at Shawn. “ Shawn told me he’s helping you with chemistry.”

 “ Oh, it’s definitely going a lot better now that he’s helping me.” I say, finally letting myself look at him and smile.

 “ Speaking of that, don’t you have that report for tomorrow that you needed help?” Shawn asks with a straight face even though I’m pretty sure the report he’s talking about is not real.