If I can't have you

twenty

I look out through the windows of the airplane when we’re about to land in Miami, the sky so blue and the ocean so inviting under us. It still feels like home and it brings back so many memories of my mom, but I know Canada has also become a second home at this point.

 “ You’re okay?” I hear Shawn’s voice and I realize there’s a tear rolling down my cheek.

 “ Yeah.” I clear my throat, wiping the tear with my hand. “ Just happy to be here.”

 He reaches for my hand and squeezes it and I can see my dad watching us with a smile from his seat. Whatever doubt he had about Shawna and I being together has vanished at this point. It has become pretty clear he approves our relationship and I can tell he thinks Shawn treats me exactly how he expected a boyfriend to treat his daughter.

 Once we land in the airport, my dad rents a car so we can drive out of the city to where my grandma is now living with my cousin. It takes us a couple of hours to get there, but when we do, I have a huge smile on my face. We set our things in a small hotel where we'll stay for the night before driving to my cousin’s house. My grandma hugs me so tight that I almost cry from how much I missed her. She holds my dad in a tight embrace too and I love how she never stopped considering him as her own son after him and my mom got divorced. My cousin and her husband cooked us lunch with all my dad’s favorite cuban recipes and it makes me miss my mom because she would always try to bring a little bit of her culture into the house when I was little. My grandma has a hard time talking to Layla because she gets all shy once she sees new people, but she’s quickly obsessed with Shawn. His charming personality makes her love him immediately and when she sees us holding hands, she sends me a questioning look. Of course my dad has to tell his and Ella’s version of us getting together and hiding it from them, which makes the rest of my family entertained and happy for us.

 “ I can tell you really like that boy.” My grandma says when we’re alone in the kitchen and everyone else is in the living room.

 “ I do.” I feel my cheeks burning.

 “ I’m happy for you, darling.” She says before hugging me. “ And I’m sure your mom would be proud of how you’re handling things now that she’s gone. She would be so happy to see you still so full of life.”

 “ Thank you, abuela.” I whispers, resting my head on her shoulder as I feel once again a tear on my eye.

 After staying the whole day there, we drive back to the hotel and Ella and my dad make sure that we share a room with Layla, making it impossible for us to do anything they wouldn’t want us to. The next morning we drive back to Miami and settle in a much bigger hotel and once again we’re sharing a room with Layla, who’s excited to go to the beach for the first time in her life. We spent hours on the beach with Layla running and swimming and I have to confess I missed the feeling of the sun on my skin. Sure, we have sun in Canada too, but not like this. I just stand there with my feet in the sand for a while before we have to leave, feeling the warmth of the sun and wind on my face.

 “ You look so beautiful right now.” I hear Shawn’s voice as he wraps his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. I feel myself blushing, hating how he could still get this type of reaction from me.

 “ Can you come with me later?” I whisper, opening my eyes and focusing on the waves crashing ahead of us.

 “ If you want me to, then of course I’ll go.” He whispers back.

 “ Yes, please. I need you there with me.” I close my eyes again and let my body relax against his, trying to prepare myself for where we were going in just a few hours.

 I took a shower once we were back at the hotel and changed into one of my sundresses that I hadn’t been able to wear in Canada. I guess the weather was still one of my favorite things about Miami that I would forever miss.

 “ Ready?” Shawn asks when I leave the bathroom and I nod my head. I was nervous, but also knew it would bring me peace.

 My dad drives us to our destination while Ella and Layla stay behind to explore the city. He doesn’t go in with us though, I guess he’s still not ready for that and that’s okay. I don’t blame him, everyone deals with things in their own time. Shawn holds my hand as we walk through the iron gates, the grass green everywhere around us as we passed by an infinite number of gravestones. I had only been there once, but it was a memory that never left my mind. I knew exactly where she was and once we found it, I dropped to my knees and touched the gravestone in front of me, running my fingers over her name engraved on it. Shawn was still holding one of my hands and kneeled down next to me when I started crying, holding me in his arms.

 “ I miss you, mom.” I whisper between tears as I place down the sunflowers we bought on our way here. “ And I will always love you so much.”

 We stay there until I run out of tears and after a while I start feeling a sense of peace. Like I needed to go there to see her and talk to her again for me to feel whole again. After we go back to the hotel, I snuggle into Shawn and we watch disney movies with Layla before going out for dinner with Ella and my dad. We go to my mom’s favorite restaurant, where she used to take all the time and it’s like I can feel her there with us. When we finally fly back to Canada the next day, I feel lighter and happier and make a promise to myself that one day I would go back to Miami for good. Before we land in Toronto, Shawn says something that takes me by surprise.

 “ I think we should go to college in Miami.” He takes my hand and smiles at me.

 “ What?” I ask confused.

 “ I’m serious.” He says. “ It’s still your home and I think it could be mine too. My home is wherever you are now.”

 “ Shawn.” I whisper as I feel myself tearing up. “ I love you.”

 “ I love you too, Mila.” He whispers back, pulling me for a kiss.

 The second we’re back at the house, we start doing some research on the The University of Miami and it doesn’t take long for me to fall in love with that idea. I know we will be apart from our parents and Layla, but it seems like the perfect choice. A lot can change in a year, so maybe we find other options, but for now we’re both sure that’s where we want to go after we graduate. As long as I have him by my side, I know everything we’ll be alright and I can tell he feels the same way, so that’s what we do for the next year: plan our future together studying the things we love, hoping our love never fades.

THE END

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A/N: Finally ended this one! Hope you like it and thank you for not giving up on the story even though my updates were so far apart haha 💕