If I can't have you

nineteen

I slowly open my eyes when I hear a soft voice singing happy birthday in my ear, making me smile as I turn around in my bed and find Shawn next to me. He kisses my lips when he finishes the song, telling me to get dressed before my dad comes upstairs looking for us. It’s a Saturday, so instead of changing into the school’s uniform, I go for a pair of jeans and a crop top since it’s finally sunny outside. I put my hair up into a ponytail before following Shawn downstairs, finding my dad, Ella and Layla in the kitchen. They immediately start singing happy birthday as my dad lights up the candles on a cake placed on top of the counter.

 “ I can’t believe you’re seventeen.” My dad whispers with emotion as he holds me in a tight embrace. 

 They all hug me and Layla hands me her gift, that Shawn helped her choose and my dad paid for. I open the small gift bag and find a cherry lip gloss inside and she seems excited when I thank her. Ella gives me a cute pair of boots, which I try on and fall in love instantly with. When Shawn hands me his gift everyone looks curiously at it, wanting to know what it is. I find a small poetry book when I unwrap it, with a few words he wrote on the first page, but I decide to read that when I’m by myself. There’s also a small box along with the book with a delicate golden ring, which makes me look up at him in surprise. Shawn smiles and takes the ring, slipping it on my finger and making a worried expression take over my dad’s face. He makes a lighthearted joke about us being too young and hands me his own gift after I give Shawn a quick kiss to thank him. It’s a framed picture of me and my mom, a pretty recent one from when she was already sick. I’m pretty sure he got the picture from my grandma and it makes tears fall from my eyes seeing her smiling even though she was in a lot of pain at that point.

 “ Thank you, dad.” I whisper, trying not to completely break down while hugging him again.

 “ That’s not all.” He says, making me look at him in confusion. “ Take a better look at the gift.”

 I look down at the framed picture still in my hands, not really understanding what he means, but when I turn it around, I finally see it. There’s something attached to the back of the frame and when I take it in my hands, I recognize it as a plane ticket. I take a better look at it, reading the destination as Miami.

 “ What does this mean?” I ask, still confused.

 “ You’re going to Miami.” He says with a smile. “ We all are in a week. We’re spending a weekend in Miami and you can visit your grandmother.”

 “ Dad!” I say with a smile on my face before hugging him again. “ This is amazing. Oh my God, thank you so much!”

 We eat birthday cake for breakfast and Shawn takes me to the mall after lunch, where we meet Julia, Alessia, Brian and Hailee for a movie. We end up watching a cheesy and cliche romantic comedy that both Brian and Julia can't stop complaining about, but it's my birthday so there was no way I was letting them choose a horror movie like they always do. We spend the whole day at the mall, playing arcade games and then eating pizza and ice cream before Shawn drives us back home.

 “ Where are we going?” I ask him when I notice he’s driving us to the opposite direction of the house.

 “ You’ll see.” He says with a smile.

 In a few minutes he parks the car next to a beautiful small park I’ve never seen before. He steps out of the car and opens the back door, reaching for something in the backseat before walking to open the passenger door for me. I see he has a blue blanket in his hands as he guides into the park. There’s threes everywhere and a few benches along a pathway that leads to a small lake. Shawn sets the blanket over the grass and takes off his hoodie, giving it to me because I’m already freezing. He sits down on the blanket and helps me do the same before making me lie down next to him. The sky above us is dark and I’m surprised to see it filled with stars.

 “ What would you do if it had rained or something?” I ask with a laugh.

 “ Well, I guess we would have to watch the rain instead of the stars.” He laughs with me.

 “ As long as I was with you, I could watch the rain all night.” I whisper, resting my head on his chest as he wraps one arm around me. We watched the stars in silence for a long time, just his hand running up and down my arm as we breathed into each other’s space.

 “ Do you ever think about college?” I ask, breaking the silence. “ I know we still have a year in high school, but… I don’t know.”

 “ Are you asking me if we’re going to college together?” He asks, making me blush a little. He was that good at reading into my words.

 “ Maybe.” I whisper. “ Do you want to?”

 “ I would love to.” He says. “ You want to study dance, right?”

 “ Of course.” I agree. “ What about you? Still not sure?”

 “ I was thinking about maybe trying a scholarship for swimming.” He confesses.

 “ I bet you would get it.” I encourage him.

 “ Studying english literature also sounds nice.” He adds with a smile.

 “ I honestly think you would love it.” I lift my head up and look down at him. “ So, it’s settled then.”

 “ Yes.” He confirms. “ Wherever you go, I’ll be there too.”

 “ That’s the only thing I want.” I say before kissing his lips. “ Oh, what about writing? I think you would be great at that too.”

 “ Let’s just leave it like this for now, okay?” He says with a laugh, smiling at my excitement.

 “ Okay.” I giggle before kissing his lips again and feelings him pulling me on top of him, the stars long forgotten above us.