If I can't have you

two

I wake up the next day with my father knocking on my door, telling me to get ready for school. He let me know during dinner last night that I would be attending the same school as Shawn, a private high school with a uniform that looked straight out of a movie. I also found out more about them during dinner, like how Ella has been a yoga instructor for over a decade or how she loves cooking and baking. Layla started talking to me, not as much as Ella would like, but she is getting there. She told me she loves drawing and her favorite movie is Frozen, which I found really cute. Shawn didn't seem to want to talk much about himself, but Ella made sure to tell me everything I needed to know. He's on the school's swimming team and according to his mother spends most of his time in the pool training, in the streets running or in his room reading. He blushed when she told me he loves reading, like that was something he should be embarrassed about. I guess not many people know that about him and I really wouldn't expect him to be a reader. Like I said before he looks more like the athletic type, which he really is, but I guess I should know people can be both.

After taking a quick shower, I put on the white buttoned up shirt with the red skirt that composes the school's uniform. It's not too short, but is also shorter than I would expect for a high school's uniform. Maybe my dad got me the wrong size, afterall he he hadn't seen me in person in years. I tight my hair up in a ponytail, leaving my bangs fall over my face and apply some lip gloss before putting my snickers on and heading downstairs. I walk slowly to the kitchen, not really knowing what to do. I don't know what a regular morning looks like in here and I definitely still don't feel at home.

" Come on in, Camila." I hear Ella's voice from inside the kitchen, so I walk in and take a place at the table next to Layla, who smiles at me. " Do you like eggs or would you prefer some cereal?"

" Eggs would be great." I say as I watch her place the eggs she was making on a plate.

" Good morning." I hear Shawn's voice as he walks into the kitchen with messy hair and a face that indicates he didn't get much sleep.

We all eat as Ella tries to fill the silence with questions, telling me my father had to leave earlier than usual for work today. Before I know, I'm in Shawn's car as he drives us to school. The radio is on and I can see him bopping his head to an Ed Sheeran song. He looks cute, his eyes concentrated on the road as he tries to pretend he's not singing along. What is wrong with you, Camila? You can't think he's cute.

" Are you nervous?" His voice breaks the spiral of thoughts in my mind. " You seem nervous."

" A little bit, I guess." I say quietly.

" Don't worry. People are really nice around here. Remember, we're in Canada." He says trying to make me laugh because I made a similar comment about Canadians being nice the night before during dinner.

" I hope so." I say laughing a little.

" But really, you have nothing to worry about. You can sit with me and my friends during lunch if you like to." He says as the car stops in a red light.

" Thanks. That's really nice of you." I say looking at him, noticing how he looks really relaxed while driving.

Five minutes later, we're in the school's parking lot. As soon as we get out of his car, I regret putting the red skirt on instead of the black pants that also compose the uniform. It's cold and I once again forgot I'm not in Miami anymore, so I'll probably freeze by the end of the day. I groan in frustration, making Shawn look at me.

" Sorry. I just hate the cold weather." I say as we walk to the school's building.

" You'll get used to it." He says being once again nicer than I probably deserve.

" I don't know if I want to." I say half joking, half serious.

Shawn walks with me to the secretary so I can get my schedule, making conversation in the way. I can tell he's trying really hard to make me feel comfortable and welcomed just like his mother is, I just have no idea if this was a request from her and my father or if he's doing it because he wants to. It just makes me find him even more attractive, so I quickly bury that thought before it goes somewhere else.

He helps me find my first class and I don't see him again until lunch time, when he finds me in the line to buy my food, waiting for me so I can sit with him and his friends. The food doesn't look like crap like in my old school, but that makes sense considering this is a private school and I'm paying for the food. I grab a random sandwich that caught my attention, a banana and a bottle of grape juice while Shawn gets himself an apple and a bottle of water. My eyes analyze all the students eating and talking as he guides me to a table in the corner of the lunchroom. Everyone seems to have their eyes on me, but not in a mean way, more like really curious about who the new girl is. I guess a small town like this doesn't have new students quite often, specially the only private school in the area.

I can see two girls and a boy sitting down when we approach the table, their eyes shining with curiosity and excitement, like they've been waiting to meet me for a long time. Shawn introduces me to Brian, a red haired guy that is also on the swim team with him and according to him, have been his best friend since forever. He then moves on to introduce Alessia, a short brunette girl with curly hair and a cute smile that makes me feel welcomed. The last one is a blond girl called Julia, her hair is short and she's quite skinny with a few cool piercings in her ears and nose. I can tell she has her own style, which I find both fascinating and intimidating at the same time.

" So, how are you liking Canada so far?" Julia asks once we start eating.

" Huh..." I start not really knowing what to say. " I don't know, I think I might need a little more time with it."

" She hates the weather." Shawn says, making them laugh.

" Of course she does." Alessia says sympathetically. " I bet she's used to going to the beach everyday. Can't blame her, it gets boring having to see snow even when it's not winter."

" This is actually the first time I see snow in my life." I blurt out, suddenly feeling self conscious when all pairs of eyes land on me.

" You've never seen snow before?" Shawn asks me, fascinated.

" That's crazy." Brian says shocked by the information I just gave them.

" I mean, I lived in Miami my whole life and we don't have snow there." I say looking at my sandwich. " It's hot even during winter."

" That's it. I'm moving to Miami." Julia says, making me laugh with her. She seems intimidating at first, but she's already my favorite out of Shawn's friends.

I watch the rest of my classes trying not to freeze because of the skirt I'm wearing and when I walk to go to the restroom, I spot the school's nurse at the end of the hallway. She's wearing all white and seems to be in her early thirties, immediately reminding me of the nurse that took care of my mom on her last stay in the hospital. My body freezes for a moment because I've been trying not to think about her the whole day, but then one simple thing like this makes me miss her like crazy.

I get inside the girls restroom and wash my face in the sink as I remember her last moments very vividly. She was not only my mother, she was one of my best friends. I always told her everything and I'm pretty sure that if these were different circumstances I would tell her about Shawn and how cute I think he is and she would tease me, but also encourage me to do something about it. Stop doing that, Camila. She's not here anymore to listen to you and you definitely can't do anything about Shawn.

When I walk back, the class is already over, so I take my backpack and meet Shawn in the parking lot. I try to keep quiet the whole way home, afraid my voice will give out how I'm feeling, but I don't even have to say anything for him to notice something is wrong.

" Are you feeling okay? You seem a little off." Shawn says as he parks the car in the driveway.

" Yeah." I say trying to mask what I'm feeling since I saw that nurse in the hallway, but my voice betrays me, shaking slightly.

He looks at me like he doesn't know what to do, but then he takes me by surprise and gives me a hug. I didn't know I needed a hug until I felt his arms around me, my head resting on his shoulder as I take a deep breath. Can he stop being so nice? It's making it hard for me not to develop a small crush on him.