If I can't have you

fifteen

When I finally walk out of the basement and head upstairs to change clothes, everyone seems to be already woken up. Ella and Grace are both in the kitchen and see me sneaking out, but neither of them say anything. I lock myself in the ensuite bathroom and take a quick shower before walking downstairs for breakfast. I find Shawn already up, helping his grandparents in the kitchen while Ella takes pictures of Layla and my dad next to one of the neighbours' elaborated snowmen outside.

 “ Good morning, Camila.” Grace says with a smile, pretending she didn’t see me earlier when I left the basement. “ Why don’t you help Shawn out with the eggs?”

 “ Sure.” I smile back before walking to Shawn and trying to help him out, even though he doesn’t really need any assistance. We just keep stealing glances at each other and smirking the whole time until we’re finally all at the table eating. I look at the food in front of me deciding for a french toast and some eggs while I see Layla taking a pancake and my dad going for the bacon. Shawn chooses the same things I do, but I don’t even eat half as much as he does. He holds my hand under the table most of the time, but I let go of it when I see his grandmother eyeing us with curiosity. She for sure didn’t see it, but I just felt watched somehow.

 Ella and I do the dishes afterwards, so we’re alone in the kitchen for a while. I’m waiting for her to mention the fact that she found me sleeping next to Shawn in the basement, but she never does. She talks about other things, but keeps eyeing me like she expects me to bring the subject up. I do think it’s time for us to tell them, but I don’t think this is the right place. Maybe when we come back home after this weekend we can just tell the both of them at the same time, but I’m not about to confess anything to Ella in her parent’s kitchen while everyone else is right in the other room. Later we all go downtown to walk in the mall and we end up with late Christmas gifts from Shawn’s grandparents. They make me, Shawn and Layla each choose something, and while Layla chooses an expensive doll, Shawn and I end up in a bookstore. We each choose a book and after we all have lunch, the both of us find ourselves reading our new books at his grandparent’s living room.

 “ Hey.” Shawn whispers, making me look up from my book. He’s sitting on the other side of the large white couch with a smile on his lips. “ Come here.”

 I can hear voices coming from the kitchen, so even though we’re alone in the living room, I shake my head no. He doesn’t take no for an answer and stands up, walking to where I am and sitting down next to me before stealing a quick kiss from my lips.

 “ Shawn.” I gasp in surprise. “ They could walk in.”

 “ They’re too focused on grandma’s recipe and whatever story Layla is telling them.” He says, taking my hand in his and making me close the book I was reading.

 “ But what if…” I start, but he quickly cuts me off with a kiss that makes me forget what I was saying. “ Can we at least go somewhere else, then?” I ask once we pull away, checking to see if anyone had magically appeared in the room while I had my eyes closed.

 “ Come on.” Shawn stands up and pulls me with him to the stairs. We quickly and discreetly walk upstairs to the room I’m sharing with Layla because there was no way we would be able to go to the basement without everyone seeing us. He shuts the door behind us and pushes me against it, attacking my lips the second we’re inside the room. My hands are gripping tightly at his shirt as our mouths do what we’ve become specialists on at this point. I don’t know how but suddenly we’re making our way to one of the single beds in the corner, the one I was supposed to use last night when I was actually downstairs with him. My back hits the mattress as he hovers over me, planting kisses and sucking at the skin on my neck.