Balance - Tss Au

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Tw: Mentions of death and abuse, eating disorder (ana), forced quite inhumane hospital treatement, someone gets punched

Remy couldn't breathe. They weren't breathing. It felt like ice was filling their lunges. They were shaking and freezing and they didn't know where they were. When they looked around all they could see was black. Even on the ground. If it could be called a ground. It looked more like a sea of oil.

Was this the afterlife?

They hunched forward. It felt something animalistic was crawling up their throat. They opened their mouth and oil came out. It smeered down on the legs. They were still wearing the shorts and t-shirt they had on when they- they-

Janus had looked so heartbroken.

They shook their head. They didn't want to think about it. All that mattered was that they were dead. Or they were supposed to be. The deep cuts were still on their arms and legs. They let out a quiet whimper when they looked down at their thighs. There were purple handprints on their skin. They didn't have to check to know the handprints were on every part of them their dad liked to touch.

Remy didn't want to remember. They didn't want to remember a single thing about their life. Because if they thought about the bad parts they would breakdown again and if they thought about the moment with Remus and Janus they would regret dying. Which they couldn't.

Time passed. They didn't want to get up. They were the sort of exhausted that only happened after a lifetime of hurting. They stared out into the eternal black.

Suddenly something passed them. They didn't notice at first. It was a woman. Her long black hair and dress made her nearly disappear against the black but her pale skin stood out against it. She glanced at them for just a moment. After so many years of looking at pictures of her as if she was some holy being they would recognize her anywhere.

"Mom?"

She didn't stop walking. Remy forced themself to stand up. They nearly collapsed again because of the firey pain from the cuts. But they continued. They followed her but she was somehow much faster. They started to run after her, desperate to catch up.

Far away they could hear mumbled voices and panicked yells. The voices were blurry so they couldn't understand what they were saying. So they ignored it. It wasn't important. Their mother was.

Their lungs were burning up from running. They were exhausted down to their bone. They didn't know how long they'd been running. In the distance they heard muffled sobbing and something about flatlining.

A tall gate in dark silver towered up before them. Finally they stopped running. Their mom walked through the gate without hesitation. Her snow white skin disappeared the moment she did. Replaced with only bones.

Remy stumbled towards it. They reached out their hand and moved it through the gate. They nearly flinched when their skin and blood disappeared, leaving only their skeleton. They looked up and saw that their mom had stopped. She was looking at them, waiting.

They moved their right leg through the gate. The cuts were gone but the handprint stayed. Even in death they were stuck as unpure. They hoped at least some of the bad things that had happened would be rinsed off along with their skin.

Besides, they'd always thought they would look good as a skeleton. No fat. No need to eat. No nothing.

Remy began to move through the gate. They'd almost gone through it fully when they felt a warmth spread on their right hand, the one still outside of the gate. Like someone was holding their hand even though they couldn't see it. It wasn't just warm it was....it felt like love.