Balance - Tss Au

Helpless

Hey remember when Roman sang 'Coma baby' way back?...Yeah...Forshadowing

"It's about Janus Khadae. He was taken here without his will yesterday. You're his emerengcy contact so I thought I should inform you" The nurse explained.

Remus froze. His eyes were wide and his mouth was suddenly very dry. It felt like his heart had been pulled out of his chest.

"Ca-an I see h-him?" He stuttered out.

"Of course. He's in room 134"

She left the room. Remus immediatly stood up but before he could run to his dear love Remy grabbed his wrist.

"He doesn't deserve you after what he said to you" They mumbled.

"I Have to see him babe. Nothing, not even like death itself riding on a shark with a chainsaw could stop me. If I'm not back in like 30 minutes come and check on me 'cause I'm probs sitting in a hallway crying from heartbreak"

Remy sighed and nodded before letting him go. They went back to looking over Logan.

a few minutes later Remus was standing outside a door. The hallway was bleak and the walls a pale blue. The air smelled of medical supplies and sickness. He hesitantly opened the door and took a quiet step in.

Janus was laying under the covers of the hospital bed. He was reading a book but it seemed like it took all his energy to turn the page. His dark skin was ashen and his eyes murky. His cheeks were sunken in and he'd lost a noticeable amount of weight. There was an iv going into his right arm and an ng tube going into his nose. On his arms were cuts, some healing some looked like they were made yesterday. All of them looked painfully deep.

He looked so...small in the bed. So so so small. Which was hard to do since the bed was tiny. But he did. He looked small and unsure and afraid. He looked like he'd been thrown into the bed as if he'd been thrown off a cliff. Even though he was staring at the book his eyes looked faraway and anxious. 

This wasn't Janus. This wasn't His boyfriend. His boyfriend didn't have sunken in cheeks or visible collar bones or new cuts from self harm. His boyfriend had beautiful chubby cheeks and a warm chest and hadn't cut in nearly 6 months. But this wasn't his boyfriend anymore. This was his ex who'd done anything to lose weight the past months. And it shown.

He was so so small.

"Janny!" Remus gasped when he saw him. He listened to pure instict and ran up to the bed. He threw his arms around his ex and hugged him tightly "I'm so glad you're okay!! I dunno what I would do if you weren't okay. Probably go on a massive murder spree. What even is this stupid world if I can't share it with you!"

Janus looked up at him with confusion "Why, how are you here?" He asked with a quiet voice. His expression turned cold in an instant "It doesn't matter. Get out"

Remus moved away from the bed. He fidgeted with his hands while trying to force himself to smile "But I...I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you hate me but I had to see-"

"Isn't knowing that I hate you enough for you to realize that I don't want you anywhere near me"

His smile faltered and he looked away so that he at least didn't have to see his ex's uncaring eyes gazing at him "My dear dead heart of mine-"

"Janus" He corrected.

"Right. Janus I'm sorry I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'll go. You won't have to see me again I promise"

Remus turned around. There were tears in his eyes as he walked up to the door. It was all too much. The sudden news about Logan and now this. He wished this day had never happened. His hand rested on the door knob. It felt as if he turned the knob it would seal the promise. It hurt so much his heart started to ache.