An Attack Helicopter Brought us Together

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Emily POV

I sit upon my shiny gold throne with plush red velvet in a very fancy blue and silver dress while servants scurry around with trays of delicacies for me to try. I pick up a piece of fried eel off a passing servant's dish and chew it delicately. I'm just waiting for a bunch of people to come in and bow and wish me luck on my reign, then leave, then another group to come in and do the same thing. It'll probably take a year for everyone to be done well-wishing me.

BTS are all off trying to count how many bathrooms there are in Buckingham palace (because I promised to knight whoever gave me the correct answer... I actually don't know the answer but I'm gonna say Junk is right), and how many of them have solid gold taps (I also promised to knight who've discovered that... I think I'll knight Tae to make Ember like him a bit more - we're all getting together - even Penelope and Suga! - but she's not).

I'm pretty sure Serena has already broken into the palace alcoholic drinks store, and I let her run free in there - she clearly enjoys it, so much so that she spends days at a time lounging in there, half passed out. Jimin's in there too, to make sure she doesn't die but just enjoys herself. I think he's also getting cozy with her when she's passed out but anyway... that's their business.

Penelope is spending most of her days ooh-ing and aah-ing over murals and artifacts and high ceilings, while Beverly is still trying to choose a room for herself. She sleeps in a different one each night with RM and the servants are complaining to me about having to check every bedroom in the palace to work out which one she slept in. Once they find it, however, there's an even greater task - wash all the semen out of the thousand thread-count pure silk sheets. Hahaha.

Ember is sitting next to me, and is adopting an awful lot of cats for the castle. I mean, they're cute, but do we really need two cats for every single room in the palace? She's got about two hundred and thirty cats living here at the moment, which is sorta solving the overflowing shelter issues, but not the overflowing palace issues.

"Hey, Ember, could you find somewhere else to put all your rescue cats?" I ask her gently as a sweet smooch-faced heat-seeking persian tries to claim my lap.

"But where...?" Ember replies hopelessly, Blossom snuggling on her lap and another two cats winding around her ankles, "it's not like we have another palace to put them in... could we build a kitty palace?"

"It'd take too long," I explain, "Look, I love them, but this isn't Ancient Egypt."

Ember nods thoughtfully, then her eyes light up with a sudden inspiration, "That's it!" she grins, "We can take over Egypt! I can be pharaoh-ess and make it like it was in Ancient Egypt - tonnes of cats, all worshipped and loved! What d'you think?"

"I think-" I have to cut myself off short as another rich baron/duke/guy and his family comes in to bow and pledge allegiance. He sort of has to wade through a tidal wave of cats, who must be able to smell fish on him.

"Your majesty," he bows deeply, so the cats can reach his moustache to sniff it, "I pledge my eternal allegiance to you and your line... achoo! Pardon me, cat allergies," he says, straightening up and rubbing his red nose, "I wish you a long and - achoo! - prosperous reign."

He bows briskly, and the rest of his family does too, before they all hurry out. I sigh with relief and them leaving, and finally give into the little tan-gold persian who's trying to get onto my lap. She's sorta sweet. I'll consider keeping her. She looks like the kind of cat who'd be fun to dress up in pink tutus.

"You were saying...?" Ember asks eagerly.

"I think..." I reply thoughtfully, then all in a gushing, excited rush, "IT'S A GREAT IDEA! You can take all these cats... except maybe this one, she's sorta growing on me," I motioned the little ball of golden fuzz on my lap, "and RULE EGYPT! YAS, GAL! I need some excitement anyways, and besides Serena gets to rule the USA and I get England and so why don't YOU GET EGYPT!? YAS GAL LET'S GO!"

"Wait really!?" Ember looks bursting with happiness, "ACTUALLY!?"

"HECK YASSSS!" I start dancing in my seat, then stop because the little persian is mewling in protest and I should probably check with people whether they're preggo before I dance in front of them. I do check, and Ember - looking rather affronted at the question - says no. That's good. Although that means she's not getting together with Tae just yet ugh. I guess that's her decision.

Ember calls a servant for a cat carrier for Blossom and another little cat she's fallen for - a long-haired calico-and-white with leaf green eyes, "I'll just bring my pets, first," she explains, "Then the rest of them."

"Wait... uh... we should probably wait... BTS are off working out the bathrooms and taps and last I heard Serena's passed out-"

"Oh yeah, okay," Ember shrugs, cutting me off, "That's fine. I'll wait."

Another family comes in to bow but I barely hear them - I'm trying to get the British Intelligence CEO on the line to find out about Egypt's ruler and his residence and how we could possibly get to him.

Finally, he comes on the line, "Hey, this is Steve from Bobracha Plumbing, how may I help you?"

"Drop the act, dude," I chuckle, "I know you're the British Intelligence CEO - and I'm the new queen so listen up with your big goddamn Dumbo ears."

He goes quiet while I explain what we want to do.

"I wouldn't recommend this," he says at last, "Bad move. Breaks international law. Sorry. Can't help you."

"Just give us the info," I snap, "Or all funding is cut off for your organisation and you're executed for treason. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," he mutters, and gives me literally everything I need to know.

By the time I'm done, everyone's here - BTS, all counting off their tap and bathroom tallies, Serena, seriously hungover, Beverly and Penelope giggling hard about something, and Ember's cats both sitting serenely in their plush diamond-encrusted carriers. There's one there for my persian, who I've started calling Tiara in my head. I pick her up gently and put her inside. I'm more of a dog person, but Tiara's cute.

Tae's looking slightly dismayed at the addition of two new feline members, and strokes his little dog in his new diamond and 24-carat gold collar nervously. Too bad mate. Maybe if we surround him with cats he'll learn to like them... and in turn like Ember? I don't even know why the hell I want them together so bad but it'd be cute and it'd just be... right. Serena's with Jimin, Beverly's with RM, I'm with Junk and Penelope's sorta with Suga... it'd just make so much sense!

"Alright," I grin at them, "Results?" BTS give me their results for the number of bathrooms.

"Junk, you're correct," I beam at him. They all mutter, claiming it to be rigged. I grin to myself - it is, haha, "Alright, and the number of solid gold taps...?" They give those too.

"Tae, you're correct," I clap. Tae looks amazed, and so does Ember (just a little... maybe?), "Okay, I'll knight y'all once we get back!"

"From where?" Suga asks, peering at Penelope, who's peering back at him. I snort as they both blush and look away quickly.

"We're going to Egypt!" Ember announces jubilantly, "And I'm gonna be pharaoh-ess and make everyone worship cats again!"

No one objects.

"Great, let's go!" I cry, hopping up and grabbing Tiara's carry box.