Broken Innocence (C.H.)

16 - Why are you here

I couldn't comprehend what just took place.

He looked at me and gently brushed my hair behind my ear, "And it sucks that I know your not going to remember this in the morning."

I had one to many drinks, and I over did it. I just wanted to forget everything that happened with Evan and just try to block it out. I know that's not the best decision but what else can I do? I don't want to forget this what just happened. He actually has feelings for me? But I've fucked it up by drinking too much. Why do I do this to myself.

"I...I need to go home," I slurred in my drunken state. I'm a mess I need to be away from people to just go home and sleep this off. Calum pulled his keys from his pocket and pointed to his car. Turning my head sharp to look at the car caused me to feel dizzy. I squinted and tried to gain back my self awareness back but stumbled over. I felt Calum arms grab me. He helped over to his car since he could tell my stability went away.

I sat down in the seat and slowly buckled myself in. It took me several tries to find the buckle but I eventually got it on the tenth try. Calum sat down and started the car. The radio began to buzz and made me feel unaware again. Just the noises of the radio and the sound of the car. I was gone I had no idea of the actions I was taking or what was going on. It's sad to get myself like this all the time. I do this to try to numb out the pain. This isn't how it should be. This shouldn't be my comfort. All this happen is doing to me is slowly killing me inside. I watched out the car window looking at the fuzzy scattered stars. It reminds me of how I feel. Everything all my pieces are scattered. I don't have control of myself. I'm a mess and no one can help me, no one can fix me.

The car stopped and I turned my slowed vision on to Calum. His look was something of disappointment, care, and confusion.

I just met this boy only a few weeks ago. I feel like I know him, and yet I don't. I honestly don't know how I truly feel about him. Yes, I do care about him, and I think I've fallen for him. But, there's no way that I can open my feelings up to him. Everyone around me gets hurt, leaves or breaks me. I don't think that I'm ready to have this cycle repeat again and again.

"Do you want me to walk you in?" His voice muttering in bringing me from my thoughts. My sense of time has slipped slightly. I don't know how long that I have been sitting there contemplating in my thoughts.

"Sure," I softly responded back.

He got out from the car and walked over to open the door for me. We began to walk towards my apartment. Once we made it to the door, fumbled in my pockets to try to find my keys. I tensed before trying to open the door not knowing if Evan would be home or not. I turned back to Calum.

"Thanks for taking me home...I'll uh see you around," I said back to him. I didn't want him to help me inside. I wanted to be alone, and I also don't want Evan to have something else to say.

Calum made a small not to me. He opened his mouth slightly to say something, but he stopped himself. I just stood there waiting to see if he would say anything else, but didn't.

After walking inside the apartment, I found it vacant and a mess. I have no energy nor motivation to clean this mess. I don't want worry about anything right now so I just made my way to my room.

I pulled the covers around myself and tried to fall asleep.

~

I fluttering my eyes awake. My alarm clock was blaring. All I could do was roll over and groan. My eyes suddenly shot open when I realized I had to get up for work. My head was pounding and I have fuzzy memories of the night before. Usually I could get wasted and hungover and not care. I've never had a job or anything meaningful to do where I needed to be awake so early.

I rushed into the bathroom to get ready. After taking a shower I brushed out my hair. I glanced at the mirror to see how awful I looked. My eyes were puffy and I looked so pale. I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to get wasted when I have to go to work. I finished getting my self together, then I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I walked down the street to the coffee shop.

I arrived and Albert was standing at the door ready to let me in. I gave him a smile as he opened the door.

"Good morning Mrs. Alex we are so glad that you are here!" He exclaimed cheerfully.

"Thank you I'm excited for my first day!" I replied back trying to be cheerful as well. The truth was I feel like complete shit, and I was already ready for the day to be over.

Albert showed me all the things again and made sure that I would be comfortable. Today I was going to be running the register. I am so nervous that I am going to mess up, but Albert said he would be right next to me if I had any questions at all. Marcey came from the kitchen to greet me and give me a hug.

"Oh Alex I am so excited that you will be working for us! I know that you will be amazing!" She is such a sweet and cheerful lady.

I took a deep breath before they opened the shop. I am so nervous, and I just hope I won't fuck this up.

The day went surprisingly well. The register wasn't hard at all, and it was actually nice getting to talk to all the customers. Albert also showed me how to make some of the drinks when there weren't any customers. I had a lot of fun and I'm very surprised with myself. I helped Albert and Marcy close the shop, and then I headed back to my apartment.

~

Once I got into the apartment. I found Evan sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked like he had been crying for hours. I slowly walked over to him and took a seat next to him on the couch.

"Why are you here," he suddenly said to me. His voice soft and broken.