Broken Innocence (C.H.)

17 - Forgotten Conversations

"Why are you here," he suddenly said to me. His voice so soft and so broken.

"Evan I live with you," I replied back to the broken boy.

"No, why are you still living with me after everything that I put you through," He took his head from his hands and stared me in my eyes.

"Why would you even say something like that, I told you earlier that we're family. I love you, and I'm not just gonna leave even if I do hate you sometimes," I chuckled trying to joke and lighten his mood, but it didn't work.

"You remember how I told you I saw my dad..." He replied ignoring my response.

"Yes." I said back to him. I don't think I'm ready for this conversation right now.

"He was the supplier..." I jumped up from the couch and stopped him before he could even finish.

"Are you fucking kidding me !" I screamed at him the anger starting to rise within me.

"Shut the fuck up and let me finish!" He screamed back. I tensed and pressed my hands to my waist.

"I didn't fucking do deals with him, dammit! I didn't even know that he was even around anymore," he took in a sharp, deep breath.

"So...He was over the supplier that I worked with, and when you fuck with the supply the top guy gets involved. So, when I didn't make enough for the week he showed up to the deal," he paused to take a deep breath again and ran his fingers through his blonde hair.

"Is he the one that did that to you?!" The anger I was feeling right now was exploding inside of me. The fact Evan even got involved with this made it worse. It made me more frustrated, more angry.

"Yes, but the worst part is that all he could do was sit there and smile and tell me that he knew I would end up like him. He seemed almost proud in a way," Evan looked towards the wall. You could see the hurt and anger fill up inside his eyes. I just studied his broken appearance. The anger was still boiling within me. I didn't know who to be more upset with. His dad is the whole reason that we are here in the first place. The whole reason that my parents abandoned me.

"Evan look at me..." I bent down in front of him so I could have his full attention. I pressed my hand against his cheek, and he grasped his hand back around mine.

"You are nothing like your father okay? And you will not end up like that son of a bitch..." He stopped me and took my hand from his face.

"That's the problem Alex...I'm just like him." I froze thinking about what he said. The truth is, those words stung. I didn't want to admit his words, but when someone breaks another person. They can leave imprints of the trauma with them. Evan could be better, but his father broke him. The anger Evan has, the times I've been so scared of him. I think truly I've held anger against him from what his dad has done. I think it's that I see a glimpse of his dad in him, and that's what scares the hell out of me.

"No you're not," I tried to reassure him and myself. He just shook his head and smiled at me.

"Alex, I hope you get to have a beautiful happy life away from me one day. You deserve more than this life." He brushed my hair from my face. I let a tear escape from my eyes and fall onto my face. I don't know how to feel right now. Evan got up from the couch and walked out the door. I shook to the sound of the door jutting shut.

I hugged my knees close against my chest and sat there wondering within thoughts. I love Evan of course I do. He's my family and has always been the only person there for me through everything. I just have seen him change into an Evan I don't like. One I don't know well and one that I am scared of. Yes, I want to be happy and away from this life. But, I want a happy life with Evan in it. I'm just terrified that the one I've known and loved is just too far gone.

~

*Calum POV*

I've been laying in my bed for hours having no strength to get up. My thoughts pondered on the night before. I shouldn't have been so reckless kissing her last night. I don't know how to express truly feel towards her. Once I do, anything I feel remorse. I'm scared of showing her that I am falling for her. If I do, what if I end of breaking her heart or shattering her fragile soul anymore than it is. She's so god damn beautiful and broken at the same time. Everything she has had to endure, I don't want her to go through anything ever again, but I don't feel like I can be that person for her. I don't know if I can pick up her broken pieces.

I glanced over towards my doorway to see Ashton standing there glaring at me.

"Are you going to sulk in here like an emo all day?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I have nothing to be done today so I am perfectly fine sitting here," I responded back to him.

"You know you can talk to me right," he looked over at me.

"About what?" I questioned back.

"I heard you to arguing last night what was all of that about?" He asked.

"A conversation that won't be remembered..." I sighed responding back to him.

~

*Alex POV*

What the fuck am I doing with my life. I'll finally felt like I was going to be happy getting a new job and all. I thought this was finally going to be my big break. Instead I'm sitting here crying on my floor over some mess that shouldn't even be my responsibility.

I got wasted last night and I don't even remember the conversations I had with anyone. I just remember going over to Ashton's and then somehow getting back home. I don't want to keep this cycle continuing. Constantly trying to drown out the real world and not truly living in the moment.