SPACES | 𝘯. 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯 (book 3) ✔

Chapter 137: Paper Houses.

[In this house of broken hearts
We made our love out of stacks of cards
And yes, we tried to hold on tight
'Cause we knew our love was hard to find]

     "Say bye to Mummy, baby." I whispered, stroking the dark brown coffin that was yet to be lowered. Via blew a kiss in the direction of the coffin sadly and then placed her head on my shoulder. I took in a shaky breath and wiped away my tear with my free hand. I gave a small, forced smile to people around me before it fell again and then the tears continued to fall freely. I placed Via into her car seat and buckled her in. I closed her door and removed the black coat and placed into into the passenger seat. I walked around and went into the driver's seat. 

     After Emily.. After she left, I tried to be strong for Via and everyone else, but then thinking that Emily wasn't here anymore made me cry all over again. I drove to Emily's house here and parked at the curb. I got out before I went around and got Via before I went into the house and walked past the couches and around the bar and into Emily's old room. I bit my lip, trying to not let any more tears fall as I remembered the first time I was here. I laid Via down on the bed and removed her shoes and then her dress, leaving her in the black leggings and white long sleeve. 

     She yawned and I removed my shoes, leaving them at the side of the bed. I crawled into the bed, pushing Via so that she was closer to the wall and laying towards the edge. I turned on the lava lamp on the bedside table and bent my arm and let my head lay on it. Via stared up at the ceiling, babbling and kicking her feet. She gripped the bear that me and the boys had given Emily for when she missed us. Eventually, both me and Via fell asleep. I woke up lazily when Emily's grampa, aunt, and Ali arrived and then fell back asleep. When I woke up, My eyes stinged and the sound of Via's crying was bouncing off the walls. 

     I sat up, rubbing my eyes and picking up Via. I stood up, bouncing her slightly while walking around the bed and to her diaper bag where I got a fresh bottle that I had made before we fell asleep. "Shh, baby. It's okay. You're alright." I said to her quietly and fixed her to that I was cradling her. I tried to give her the bottle, only for her to spit it back out and continue to cry. I felt my eyes water again as I tried to give her the pacifier, only for her to spit it back out. I checked her diaper, only to find nothing. I placed my arm under her thighs and hugged her closer to me, placing her hand on her head.

     "Shh.. Shh." Via continued to cry and I felt like I wanted to cry myself. It was clear that what we both wanted was Emily. My breathing began to shake as I thought of the next best thing, "In this house of broken hearts, we made our love out of stacks of cards... And yes, we tried to hold on tight 'cause we knew out love was hard to find.." Via's cries suddenly died down, but she still had a pout on her face, so I continued. My breathing was uneven and so was hers, so I rubbed her back as she stayed still against my chest. 

     "And our paper houses reach the starts 'til we break and scatter worlds apart." I remembered how those words were supposed to be higher notes, but not in the mood, I kept my voice at a quieter, calming voice. "Yeah, I paid the price and own the scars. Why do we climb so far?" I sniffed and stopped singing and kissed the top of Via's head. "Your mummy used to love when I sang her that song. Always sang along, that one." I chuckled lightly, reliving the memories in my head. 

     When everyone was here for dinner, I stayed with the boys, not in the mood to converse with anyone else. Via was passed around the room and I always had my eyes on her while drinking my water, deciding that I should tone down the booze. The T.V played Emily's playlists and the boys chuckled whenever a song with a memory behind it came on. We rethought memories of Emily, cried a little, and then thought of more.

     Via was finally returned to us and we played with her for a while until dinner was served. I bit my lip, looking down at the plate. Emily's favorite. I sighed, beginning to eat bits and pieces of it because of the growing lump in my throat that wouldn't let me eat. I fed Via small pieces of the smashed beans (which she really liked) and gave her some water. 

     Haley ended up hopping onto the couch and settled herself in between Harry and I and let Via pet her and play with her ears. I sighed sadly, earning a few "sorry for your loss" and "Emily's in a better place now" and "I'm sure she's so proud of you for being so strong for your daughter". It hurt. More than it should've. But either way, I was thankful that no one was holding anything over my head. Though, they have every right to. I don't deserve the respect that I'm being given. At all.

     At the end of the day, Emily's aunt told me that the brick house right across the street was for sale if I was interested. I had told her that I was considering moving here, New Mexico specifically, not being picky about where, but that house seemed perfect for Via and I and she'd be close to the family. That night, I was considering my options, finding that it would be a bit difficult for recording sessions and such, but I'm sure I can make it work somehow. I missed living in small towns anyway.

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[Paper Houses- Niall Horan]

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