SPACES | 𝘯. 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯 (book 3) ✔

Chapter 138: Ghost of You.

[Here I am waking up
Still can't sleep on your side
There's your coffee cup
The lipstick stain fades with time
If I can dream long enough
You'd tell me I'd be just fine]

     The boxes were still stacked up on each other around the house. The scribbled words in marker of what was in it. But I haven't moved from the couch unless it was to attend Via or get her away from the boxes that had another on top. I haven't gotten to the point to fix up my room yet, so I've been sleeping on the couch. 

     I wanted to get up and be productive, but I've been staring at the box that said: "Emily's things". I was offered to keep her things in the shed across the street at her place, but I wanted to go through it and see if I found anything for Via. I sat up with a small groan and pulled the box towards me. I took the exacto-knife and cut open the tape. When I opened it, I got a wave of her scent, already making my eyes water.

     I put down the knife and looked in it. The first thing I picked up was a worn out t-shirt of Ozzy Osbourne. I felt my lip quiver as I put it down and dug through more. I picked up the small scrapbook where she kept her photos from the Polaroid that I had gotten her one year and opened it. The first photo there was a photo of me and her. Both of us making stupid faces at the camera and then the one under it was of us laughing at each other. 

     I finally closed it and set it down and found her camera that she used for photos. She carried it everywhere with her, it was funny. I would tease her whenever I caught her staring and say "take a photo, it'll last longer". I set it down, making a mental note that I would give it to Via when she was old enough and then picked up something else. The teddy bear that me and the boys had gotten her where we each recorded a message and left our colognes for her for whenever she missed us. 

     I've been looking though this for an hour and I can't stop the tears that were flowing from my eyes. I found her ring and bracelet. The matching ones that we had. I found more photos and clothes. I found the Polaroid and a couple new packs of film. I found the Polaroids that she had taken of each of us when she was leaving for that other band. 

     And then I found a framed photo of us. It was taken after one of the shows when we started dating. I was all sweaty and red and was hugging Emily tightly while kissing her cheek roughly. She was laughing and trying to pull away. I kept the photo, ended up putting it on my nightstand. 

     When I had enough, I closed the box and decided to keep it here. I shoved it in the corner of my closet and then decided to take my mind off of it. I began to unpack the boxes in the living area and kitchen until Via began to babble into the baby monitor. I quickly set up the playpen and brought her in here, giving her some toys and the stuffed bear, which she paid more attention to and laughed at all the messages. 

     When it was around dinner time, the knock on the door and the door opening made my attention divert to the guest. It was Emily's tia. "Hey. Brought you some dinner, figured you were busy and didn't wanna make anything." She said with Allie coming in after.

     "Oh, thanks. Appreciate it." I smiled lightly, putting the silverware down and taking the plate from her. 

     "You do know that it wasn't your fault, don't you?" She asked out of the blue as I set the pan down. "You tried to keep her awake and she was just stubborn."

     "I caused the accident." I admitted. "I tried calling her before she crashed. Now, I feel like everyone hates me and is gonna hold this over my head for the rest of time--"

     "No one blames you, Niall. Not at all. Yes, we were disappointed of what you did, but there was no way of knowing that it was going to happen. Please, stop putting this all on you. We all have some part to take the blame, but you taking all of it is not good." She explained. "And besides, you moved into a crappy town to be closer to her. To me, that shows all the love in the world that you have for her." 

     I nodded, still not convinced, but deciding to leave the topic. "Thanks for dinner. Remind me that I owe you all."

     "As long as you come over often, there's nothing to owe." 

     I nodded and she gave a final smile before bidding good-bye and taking Allie by the hand and leaving. I let out a sigh and went over to Via. She played with her toys by tossing them around, picking them up, and throwing them again. 

     I know that Emily's around. I've seen enough supernatural-related things to know that she's most likely tied down to something here, whether it be Via or the bear. I know doubting myself is wrong, but with everything that I've done, how can I not? I was never with Via during that time, I never watched her crawl or smile for the first time. All because I was selfish and only cared about my pleasure and not anyone else's. 

     Even with all that bullcrap that I did, and still don't deserve any respect because of it, I know that Emily's probably aware of my doubts. I know that if she was here, she'd tell me that I'd be fine. If there's one thing I learned from watching Harry Potter with her, it's that I wish I had the stupid Resurrection Stone so that at least I could see her and touch her. 

     If only. 

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[Ghost of You- 5 Seconds Of Summer]

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