I hope you're doing ok. I'm not, but I still hope you are, not matter what. I used to say "I'm happy if you're happy," but now that's not true. It's the opposite of the truth. I'm not happy, even though you probably are with Mark. I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm not sure if I should feel guilty or just depressed like I always am. I remember our break up. Is it bad that I still remember it and every damn time, I still think it's my fault? If only I had been a better boyfriend...
His eyes are distant, thinking of the day.
I had just got home, and I remember Mark was there. You were with him and... Oh no. Ya'll were both smiling and laughing, until Mark looks up at me. His eyes were so full of hatred I didn't know what to do. He started asking me questions... I'm not going to repeat them.
I remember getting angry enough that I tackled him to the ground and started punching him in the face. He just looked at me with that stupid smile, and then you were on me... pulling me off of him. You ran to Mark, and asked if he was ok, but then he pushed you away and yelled at you for trying to help. He gets up, and I think he's walking out, but he stops in front of me and punches me in the jaw.
My head swerved to the side, and I punched him in the gut. He laughed again, and punched me in the nose. You started to pull him away, but he just shakes you off and punches you. That was my final straw. I snapped, and I... I started to choke him. His face had turned red until you got up and reasoned with me.
I released him and he took off, slamming the door shut behind him. I remember you just stared at me until you walked off, grabbed your things, and left our apartment. I tried to chase you, but you through a shoe at me so I backed off. I never saw you again until the next week when you broke up with me. Now I don't think I will ever see you again now.
He picks up something, and points to it.
This is the shoe. After all this time, I've kept it, always remembering that moment when you broke my heart and ran away. I guess I would've done the same thing... but is it wrong of me to think we made a bad decision when we broke up?
He sighs.
Sometimes I wish that I could wake up and just forget about all this shit. I wish I could wake up with amnesia so I wouldn't have to live like this...- barely hanging on to life. I've though about it so many times but... the only reason why I haven't done it is because of you... hope- but I'm losing it- and fast.
I have to go meet some friends now, so I have to end this, but I hope you're happy. I hope you''re thinking the same thing as me... or I'll surely die.
He leans over and turns the camera off. He had lied about meeting friends, but he took at his phone and clicked her name again. He started to type when he just shook his head again like last time and turned the phone off.
