Hi. I'm so sorry our first kiss was so bad. I don't know... I guess I was just scared.
When you finally kissed me I was so happy. You held me as I gripped the sides of your waist.Then you chuckled and pulled me closer as I ran my hands up and down your chest. I felt all your muscles and then you pulled me even closer. There was no space between us, and I slipped me hands out to wrap them around your back. You kept holding me, gripping me even tighter until you tried to... You tried to unbutton my shirt and I guess I just overreacted.
I didn't even know what was happening. As a kid in sixth grade I got... you already know. I've told you the story... I told you in that voice mail I left you afterwards. Anyway, I don't even know what I was doing. My face probably looked disgusted with you, but I was really just disgusted with the memory. I even tried to get rid of it by shaking my head, but to you it was like I was shaking my head because of you.
It was like I was in a trance. I remember it as a blur. You tried to reach for my hand, but I snatched it back. Then, when I couldn't deal with it anymore I just ran off, totally abandoning you out in that alley. I wanted to stay and explain, but I just couldn't sort anything out. That flashback was just the strongest it's ever been.
When I got home I finally got it under control so I tried to call you. I thought you would pick up, but when you didn't I just thought you were mad at me. I left you a voice mail explaining why, but you didn't call me back until like a few days later.
I was so relieved when you did. You weren't mad at me, you were actually sorry for me. You broke me when you sounded so sad. I was the one that ran away, not you. All you did was kiss me, and I ran away from you, thinking you were like that teacher.
She starts to get teary eyed.
I guess I'm still sad about that day. We made up though, only to break up. I'm so sorry we did, it was the biggest mistake ever. I thought I loved him, that monster. I'm happy to tell you I broke up with him. He was just too... too... just not perfect. He was more of a friend than a lover.
He got mad. Unlike you, he got mad when I broke up with him, not sad. Or at least, you didn't act mad. Were you? I never texted you, even though you're fourth on my contacts. Every day I reread our texts, thinking about how wrong I was.
She sheds a tear and get a tissue.
Now before I start crying, I'm going to end this. I hope you still think of me like I think of you, but you're most likely hanging out with your friends. By the way, did you ever tell your parents about us? Or are you waiting. If you haven't told them, text me. I think we could be together again, but you probably don't. Do you? Answer me some time soon, if you've even watching this.
She ends the video and starts breaking down again.
I shouldn't have. I was so, so, so stupid. And now I don't have him anymore. Some girl is probably with him, he's perfect. Everyday he probably has girls tripping over him. My name probably doesn't mean anything to him anymore.
