They let me out of the hospital...
Okay um... For days I've thought of a million things to say and none of them sounded right, so I'm just going to say it now: I'm so, so sorry for what I did to you. People often say guilt is a useless feeling but I don't believe them. Yes, it makes you second guess everything and it cripples us, but it also makes us learn from our mistakes.... and it helps us choose what to do next.
I don't even know what I was thinking back then when I left you for Mark. It seemed so right and... natural at that time but look where that got me. It's making me hate myself- hate myself because of what I did to you, and hate myself for my choices. If only I had chosen right and stayed with you- I'd be in your arms instead of alone in my house. I miss you... all of you- your strong arms and how they used to hold me, how you made me laugh, how you didn't care what I looked like as long as I was yours... how you loved me... and I threw it all away.
Her teary eyes are very distant, thinking of how her life could've been better if she hadn't broken his heart.
I really hope we can be together again, and if not I hope we can be friends. I know you're probably mad at me or maybe just a little sad if what we had was real... I'm not sure if it was since I was so willing to walk out... Can you please please please give me a second chance? I know I screwed up with the first one, and I know I don't deserve a second chance to break your heart, but just know I love you. I never stopped, but if you give me another chance I will spend my whole life making it up to you. We were so close until I just... stomped all over you heart and threw it away.
You're the only person I've ever trusted that much. Most people don't know me at all... except for you and Emily. I'm thinking back and-
She started to chuckle to herself.
-I never even told Mark half the stuff I told you.
She shakes her head and laughs.
We never even told each other we loved each other. Ever... I remember he told me I was beautiful and gorgeous, but I never heard him say he loved me... All I ever said was... I don't even remember. I guess I should've seen the signs earlier on. Maybe I did. Maybe I just didn't want to believe that voice inside my head. Now I wish I had believed it and picked you... broken up with Mark sooner... anything.
I hope you're still listening. I can't take this much longer. I hate myself... I hate myself for not listening to myself. Does that sound weird or wrong? I hope it doesn't but if anyone's going to understand it it'll be you...
I hope you still remember all of our little conversations, every morning, every little talk we shared. Because I might go away forever. I'm tired of hanging on. I'm tired of wanting you, knowing you don't want me.
Believe me... I've tried to text you billions of times... but I've always deleted the message and turned my phone off.
She looks down and tries not to cry.
Before I go I have to tell you something: I Love you and I never stopped. I hope you love me back... Bye. Maybe a bye for forever, but I don't know. I feel like I'm slowly dying, like I'm falling apart into thousands of little pieces, being scattered into the wind. I think that's my sanity... and my hope.
She turns the camera off and takes out her phone. She clicks on his name and types in a message:
Do you want to meet at the movies?
She almost deletes the message but instead she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath- and click Send.
She holds her breath as she immediately regrets it.
It's been so long... why would he want to meet at the movies? We first met there... that was the best and worst day of my life combined. Without that day I wouldn't have nearly as much guilt as I do now but... I also wouldn't have had all those wonderful moments and conversations with him...
She jumps at his reply- she had not been expecting him to answer at all- but here he was immediately replying to her desperate text.
Sure. Which one?
Idk... What do you want to see?
Well what type of movie do you want to see? Something you can laugh at, action... romance?
Laugh definitely.
There's my girl. New you were in there somewhere.
? Anyway you pick the movie since I picked the genre.
How about The Wedding Ringer?
Ok when?
4:15 showing at our movies tomorrow.
See you there!
She had not been expecting it to be that... hard and simple at the same time. It was just a conversation about movies... but if you looked at the texts it looked like she had been texting her mother not her... friend?
