Devotion |Kylo Ren x Reader|AU|

~New Year, New Secrets~

TW: brief mentions of suicide





Although the two of you had made up, you were still wary of each other. Kylo had been more gentle with you for the past few days; he seemed more self-aware and cautious, always checking in and caring for you. It was unusually strange and strangely unusual. Very unlike him in every way possible. Sure, he cared for you in ways you feared you would never be able to comprehend, but this was different. You had never been around a man who was actually apologetic for hitting you.

You knew a part of it was your fault. Pushing Kylo to the edge, past his breaking point hadn't been one of your brightest moments. Still, it didn't warrant for physical abuse either. The only differences between Kylo and Tom were that Kylo hadn't continued. He hadn't made you into the bad guy and he took every chance he could get to apologize. Apologies from that man were rare enough.

Even more unexpectedly, Kylo had kept his hands off of you for a while. You knew the anticipation must have been killing him, but you respected him for not overstepping. The way he was treating you now made you feel guilty for flinching every time he moved suddenly, but that wasn't only his fault. You already knew that because of Tom, you would respond negatively to sudden movements and loud noises for a large portion of your life, if not forever. Tom had damaged you and Kylo Ren was trying to heal you. Odd, but not unappreciated.

Despite all of the madness happening around you, you were still grappling with the fact that you would be ringing in the new year with your kidnapper. Willingly. You had had your chance a few days ago and you hadn't taken it. Because of him. Because you had gotten yourself attached to a man who showed no signs of reciprocating your feelings. You knew he was using you and yet you couldn't get enough of him. Why had you allowed yourself to spiral?

"Kylo," you call softly from the bed.

He hums in response the way he always did, not bothering to make an appearance from the closet while he changes into his usual clothes. You could make the checklist mentally now; button down black shirt, slacks, dress shoes, gentle waves of black hair combed to the side. And, your new favorite accessory, the watch you had gifted him.

"Are we doing anything tonight?" You lower the drab book you had been attempted to read, snapping shut the pages and tossing it aside.

Kylo finally steps out of the closet, eyes down to his toned tattooed torso as he slowly buttons up his shirt. A shame he had to cover up, but it wouldn't be long before you saw it again. "Whatever you want."

You sigh. "Maybe we could just... watch a movie? Watch the countdown with some champagne? I don't know."

"Whatever you want, doll." He repeats.

Your eyes follow his hands as they zip up his pants and buckle his belt to partially conceal the trail of dark hair dipping into his underwear. A faint blush creeps across your cheeks when his eyes meet yours. You had been caught again. Kylo smirks and draws closer as he buttons up the rest of his shirt, tucking his collarbones out of sight.

"Staring, are we?" He braces his knee on the bed and leans forward. His hand gingerly captures your chin. Those golden-brown irises flicker with momentary darkness as his thumb grazes your bruised cheekbone. "How do you feel?"

You tear your gaze away and shrug stiffly. "Fine."

Kylo forces you to look back at him. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm okay... really..." you bite your lip. "Really, Kylo, I am."

"I have to go," he glances briefly at the shining watch face. "But if you need anything, call me. Anything. Is that clear?" You nod and he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. "Pretty girl, be good for me."