"It's nice out isn't it?" my mom sat down next to me on her porch swing.
I breathed in, "I love the colder weather, it's so refreshing!"
"Me too, I definitely don't miss that summer heat" she added.
I shivered as another gust of wind blew by. Summer was finally over and my mom's wedding was only two months away. I have spent almost every weekend staying with her and Peter while we planned all the details for their big day.
"So are you heading home?" my mom asked.
"I was thinking of staying and just driving to work tomorrow"
"Oh" she sounded disappointed.
"What was that?" I pressed, "do you not want me to stay?"
"No it's not that sweetie, I'm just worried about you is all" she insisted.
"Mom I'm fine! I'm living my life, remember?"
"But you're still hiding from something Case" she pointed out.
"I'm not hiding from anything" I insisted.
She gave me a pointed look. "Sweetie, you've spent every weekend here for the last two months. You know we love to have you, but it just seems like you don't want to face what's really bothering you."
"Wow, okay" I responded incredulously.
"Oh, come on now Casey, you know I didn't mean to insult you" she wrapped her arm around me. "I just want you to be happy."
"I am mom. I mean, I made friends at work and we go out. Rachel even joins in sometimes. It's been really good" I defended myself.
She just nodded.
"I'm trying mom. I'm really trying" I pleaded.
"Will you promise me something?" she asked softly, but knowing my mom, she wasn't asking.
I sighed, "sure" I obliged.
"Give Andrew a chance."
My heart leapt into my throat. I have spent the rest of the summer putting as much space between Andrew and I as possible. I was finally feeling like I can function again without the debilitating guilt crushing me. I can't go back to that. Why was she asking me to do this?
"Mom, it's not that simple" I choked.
"Nothing is Casey" she simply responded.
She wasn't understanding, she didn't know the pain I felt every time I saw Andrew and his deep brown eyes that seemed to penetrate my soul every time he looked at me.
"How do you even know what's going on?" I was frustrated.
"I hear things" she was responded vaguely. I gave her a pointed look.
"Peter and Andrew talk from time to time" she confessed.
My jaw dropped as I stared at my mom. "What do you mean 'they talk?'"
"I mean they talk. Andrew was a big help when we were planning Scott's service while you were.... " she trailed off. I looked down at my lap and grabbed my wrist with one hand. I writhed the tattoo there while I contemplated my mom's words.
"He's a good guy Casey and he just cares about you" she added.
"I know that" I huffed.
"I don't think you really understand" she insisted.
"Of course I understand mom, I'm not blind" I snapped.
"Don't get upset Case, I didn't mean it like that" she remained calm. "You were going through a very traumatic experience, I just think you should remember the people who were with you during such a hard time" she explained.
I remembered how Andrew used to encourage me so much when I missed Scott, Even after he died, Andrew helped me eat, or run his fingers through my hair, trying to get me to fall asleep. I thought about when I snuck out of the church during Scott's service, and the desperation I felt to get out of there a soon as possible. I remember the wave of relief I felt when I turned and saw Andrew standing there, his look of care and concern. It was like my knight in a grey suit showed up to save me when I needed it most.
I took in another breath, "I do, and I'm thankful for all of you."
"So cut the kid some slack, okay?" she asked.
"But Scott—"
"Scott's not here anymore Casey. I know you don't want to hear that, but you need to start moving forward" she interjected.
I hung my head again and started to bite my nails, frustrated that she was right. My mom grabbed my hand and held it in hers, "I'm not saying you have to be with Andrew, or anyone for that matter. Lord knows it took me years before I was ready to love again after your father."
I smiled at her, knowing that Peter was worth the wait for my mom.
"Just try and be his friend, okay?" she looked me in the eyes.
"I'll try" I whispered. Maybe she was right, that we could be friends. I mean, we were friends before. I've been letting my guilt run things for so long. I didn't even try to keep Andrew in my life because the feelings I have for him are too strong, and I know he just wants answers. I can't give him what he wants, but maybe I can start letting him in, just a little.
"That's all I ask!" my mom pulled me into a tight hug.
"Dinner's ready ladies!" Peter stuck his out head out the sliding glass door.
"Coming honey!" my mom called out and smiled at me.
"I know things are still hard for you sweetie, but one day you will be happy again, I promise."
