"Okay everyone! It's time for the White Elephant game!" my mom cheered. I passed around numbers and had to use a little slight of hand to make sure Jenny went last.
Her face fell when she realized she had to wait for twenty eight other people to go first. We had been quietly mentioning the big present in the room to pique Jenny's interest.
As we played, we all pretended like we would go for the present, and then at the last minute grab something else. It was funny to watch Jenny get frustrated.
Andrew kept his hand on my thigh while we sat close together during the game. I would get chills whenever he would whisper something into my ear. It reminded me of my work party last week, and how amazing it has been experiencing this side of him.
I could barely concentrate on the game and it didn't even bother me when I got stuck with a tire pressure kit for the car. Finally it was Jenny's turn, and the only unopened gift was the big one left on the table.
She scoffed at the fact no one went for it and gladly ripped off the wrapping paper. After opening the box, her face looked confused as she pulled out a a smaller box, then another, then another.
"Who brought this gift? Seriously!" as she unwrapped the last little box. Inside was a red velvet jewelry box. Her eyes went big, she flipped it open and her face fell again.
"It's empty" she pouted.
Caleb stood, "here, I wanna steal your gift."
"You wanna steal an empty box?" she was incredulous.
"Yeah you can have my gift!" he smiled.
"But I don't want a chess game" she laughed.
"I meant my other gift" Caleb got down on one knee and held up the beautiful engagement ring he showed me last month.
Jenny's hands flew to her mouth and tears immediately sprang from her eyes. I looked over to see Rachel already filming.
"Jenny, I'm sorry it took me so long, but you know there's no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with, than you. Will you please marry me?" he gently asked.
She nodded in response, unable to talk. Caleb quickly slipped the ring on her finger and scooped Jenny up into his arms.
Andrew's grip on my thigh tightened as we all cheered for Caleb and Jenny. My Aunt and Uncle, Caleb's parents joined in their hug and congratulated them both.
I looked at Andrew who was smiling as his best friend getting engaged. I leaned in, "if you ever propose, please don't make me open a million boxes" I whispered in his ear.
His smile grew bigger than I have ever seen it, and he turned to me, "I love you" he cooed.
I ran my hands through his hair, "I love you" I cooed back.
"Look! Look at my ring!" Jenny shoved her left hand between our faces.
"Yes I saw!" I laughed.
"Wait. Did you know he was gonna propose when we were talking earlier?" she stated in disbelief.
"So all that talk about marriage was just you messing with me?" she added.
I froze, and Andrew's hand squeezed tighter again. "Um no, not exactly" I confessed.
"Oh" she looked between the both of us, "I'm gonna go show Rachel!" Jenny bounced off.
"What were you guys talking about?" Andrew immediately asked when Jenny left.
"It's um- not a thing— we just talked" I stammered.
"You guys talked about marriage? That seems to be the topic of conversation today" he sighed.
"It's not a big deal Andrew, I just mentioned that you seemed upset about our conversation earlier" I tried to reassure.
Andrew looked frustrated, "And you decided to talk to Jenny about it instead of me?"
"I didn't think— I don't know" I lowered my head.
He let out a deep sigh and stood up, "I'm gonna get something to drink." I wanted to follow after him, but I didn't know how to react. Normally, it's me who walks away, not Andrew. I don't understand why he was so upset. It's not the first time I've talked with Jenny about our relationship.
I decided to give Andrew some space and found Rachel and Jenny admiring the engagement ring.
"I can't believe he finally proposed!" Rachel laughed.
"I know! Any longer and I was gonna do it myself" Jenny teased. "Casey! Are you okay? Is Andrew upset?" she asked when I joined them. I just shrugged, I don't want to make Andrew more upset by sharing something I shouldn't.
"So, you know if you need a photographer" Rachel elbowed Jenny with a raised brow.
"Actually, I was kind of hoping you would be a bridesmaid" Jenny responded.
Rachel's eyes lit up, "really?"
"Yeah, you and Casey both!" she looked to me.
Rachel and I beamed, "I'd love to!" I exclaimed.
"Definitely!" Rachel added.
After some time spent discussing Caleb and Jenny's new engagement, Andrew appeared. He still seemed upset, but he forced a smile as we gathered our things to leave.
"Thank you guys for coming" my mom squeezed us into a hug.
"Thanks mom! It was a lot of fun!"
"Yes thank you Hannah" Andrew gave her a big smile, showing off his dimples that he knows she loves.
"Get home safe you two!" Peter added before hugging us both.
We didn't talk the car ride home, but at least Andrew still kept his hand on my thigh like he normally does. It's so unlike him to not want to talk things out, that it made me nervous.
Was he regretting being with me now? Maybe he finally realized how broken I really am and he can't handle it. I don't think I couldn't go back to being alone now, not again. But I also don't want him staying with me the way he stuck it out with Leah.
When we got home, Andrew remained quiet as he unhooked Lola from her leash and then filled her water bowl. I walked to my room, well our room, and into the bathroom to wash my face. I don't really know how to approach this whole thing. Scott and I never fought much. The biggest fight we had was when he re-enlisted.
Before we only ever had small arguments over trivial things like where we would eat. And obviously there was the time we argued over Andrew.
Andrew came into the bathroom and leaned his back against the counter next to me, still not saying anything as his arms were crossed over his chest. I toweled off my face and then handed him his toothbrush.
"Thanks" he reluctantly took it and we both brushed our teeth before changing and climbing into bed.
That's another thing I don't know what to do about. We live together now. If we fight, it's not like we can just both go home and address it the next day. No, now we go home and climb into bed with it.
"Good night" I quietly mumbled.
Andrew rolled over on his side to face me, "good night" he whispered back.
Neither one of us closed our eyes. We just laid there, like we were both afraid to make the first move. I don't like this feeling. The uneasiness in my stomach and the headache that was now forming after such a long night. At some point I fell asleep. When I woke I felt like I slept in all the wrong positions. My neck was stiff and my lower back ached. I looked over at Andrew who was laying as far away from me as the bed would allow.
I sighed and quietly climbed out. I did all the stretching I could to ease some of the tension in my body, then went to make some coffee.
Once I made a cup, I went to check on Andrew but he was still asleep. I sat down next to him with my cup of coffee and he started to wake. He immediately looked for me and then relaxed when he saw I was still next to him. That little reaction made me happy, that he still wanted me. At the same time, I felt sad that Leah had made him so insecure.
"Good morning" I quietly tried to sound cheery and handed him my mug. He grabbed it and sat up next to me before taking a sip.
"Mm morning" he greeted, enjoying the coffee. "How did you sleep?"
"Okay" I lied. He studied my face and I couldn't help but smile knowing he already can tell I was lying.
"I don't know why you bother lying to me" he teased and took another sip of coffee and handed me the mug back.
I smiled, relieved he didn't seem so upset this morning. "I think I slept wrong, my body hurts" I admitted.
He grabbed the mug from me and set it down on the nightstand. "Come here" he motioned for me to sit in front of him.
"Andrew you don't—" I tried to argue but instead he pulled me over and positioned me between his legs. He started rubbing out my neck, his warm hands instantly sent goosebumps all over my body.
"Does that help?" he asked after a few minutes.
"Yes" I moaned, feeling much more relaxed than I did a few minutes ago.
"I'm sorry I was so short with you yesterday" he said quietly.
"I'm sorry I talked to Jen instead of you" I apologized back.
He pulled me back into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. "It's okay, I guess I'm glad you talked to someone." I flinched, I know he was referring to my two year hiatus of pushing everyone away. I hate that in that time I hurt him so bad. He didn't deserve it. I was so selfish, I only cared about what I was going through.
I turned so that I was facing him, and straddled his lap. I reached my hands up the back of his neck and intertwined my fingers in his soft black hair.
"I love you Andrew" I whispered.
He set his forehead against mine, "I love you too" he whispered back.
"Yeah?" I asked, still nervous that maybe he is having second thoughts on our relationship. That maybe he realized being with me wasn't what he expected.
Andrew gently pulled my head back to look at me, like he was trying to read me. "Why would you ask that?" he sounded concerned. I looked down, afraid to look into his eyes. Of course he wouldn't let me. He lifted my chin so that I was staring directly at him.
"Casey, what aren't you telling me?" his voice was no longer quiet.
"I thought maybe you realized what a mess I am" I confessed. Andrew didn't say anything. Instead he pulled me to him and pressed his lips against mine. I breathed in, surprised by his response. He ran his hands down my back and pulled me closer to him.
Our breathing increased as our kiss deepened. I'm sure his physical response to my statement isn't the best way to handle a heavy conversation, but as of now I'm surely not going to argue.
He made me feel close to him in every way. Like we truly were meant to be. They way my body fit in his, it was like two puzzle pieces coming together. We were imperfectly perfect for each other. I don't know what I'd do if he did decide he couldn't be with me.
There really wasn't any going back now, not for me anyways.
