look at me | wroetoshaw

Chapter 48

Hey! A quick disclaimer before you read this chapter: I will be discussing postpartum depression in this chapter! It may not be entirely accurate, but this is purely for fictional purposes! 

(I promise it won't stay this sad for long! Just for story development.)

"Sophie? It's been three days, maybe we could go out for a walk?" Harry suggested, and from the sound of his voice I knew he was close by. I had my head buried in my pillow, I hadn't moved from this position since I had fallen asleep the first night home from the hospital. 

Orla was still there, they hadn't released her because of her oxygen levels, or something like that. They'd been phoning Harry about her condition, and I'd just pieced it together from what he'd told me. 

"Don't wanna go for a walk," I mumble, closing my eyes and just wishing he'd go away. I knew he meant well, but I just wasn't in the mood for his attempts to cheer me up. 

"But I think it would be really good for you, you know? Fresh air and a bit of exercise...we'd get to spend time together, too..." he spoke hopefully. 

"Damnit, Harry! I said no!" I replied, firmly this time, perhaps too harsh.   

"I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through, because I don't, but you're not going to feel better if you don't accept help. Whether it's from me, or from someone else. I'll be in my office if you change your mind."

I hear him leave, shutting the door behind him, and at last I'm alone. 

He just doesn't understand how I'm feeling. How could he? I feel useless...Orla is back in hospital, obviously not doing as well as she should be, because she's not home with us. And I can't help but think it's all my fault. 

I was the one who gave birth to her two months early, that was on me. 

Not to mention the lack of energy I have. I feel unmotivated, I don't get out of bed, I don't cook. Half the time I don't even feel like eating. My diet has diminished by so much the last couple of days. I just don't feel up to it. 

I haven't seen any of my friends for a while either. I haven't seen Freya since mine and Harry's wedding, that was nearly a week ago now. 

I hadn't even been checking my phone...most of my friends didn't even know I'd given birth yet. Maybe it was time to announce Orla's birth. That would count as something productive, right? 

But that was a decision for Harry and I to mutually agree on. I know I'd be pissed if he did it without asking, especially with something as big as this. 

I sat up against our headboard, stretching out my arms. I climbed out of bed, the first time in a while, and made my way from our bedroom, to the door of his office. I knocked twice, waiting patiently for him to come to the door. 

It was open in mere seconds, and he looked at me with concern written all over his face. 

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Stop being so dramatic," I replied, rolling my eyes and walking in. "I just have a question to ask."

"Alright?" He responded, clearly sceptical. I guess I couldn't really blame him. My moods had been awful the last few days, and to give him credit, he had stuck by me through it all. 

"Sorry for snapping," I apologised quickly, continuing with what I had originally come to say. "I was just - I know I said we should wait for a while longer to announce everything about Orla, but half our friends don't know, and I just really need something positive -"