look at me | wroetoshaw

Chapter 17

adding this on tonight because its a short chapter but an emotional one :(

i am sorry for the song choice ,,, but listen to it throughout the chapter

"Hey, Herbie, time to go out!" I say in the worst fake happy voice ever. I'm trying my best to avoid the wobble in my voice as I speak, but it's inevitable. "Mummy and Daddy are taking you out somewhere, come on! Let's go!" I say in my high voice. He barely has the energy to lift himself up, but he manages it. 

"Harry, will you grab his collar and lead?" I call out into the hallway, and I hear footsteps before he walks back in with them both. His eyes are bright red, and I heard him crying last night. I haven't cried yet. No, instead I just feel numb. Empty, too. I've tried my hardest to avoid thinking about it, but the week is nearly gone, and tomorrow is the day I fly out for my first show. 

My bags are already packed, I knew I wouldn't want to do anything after going to the vets today. 

"Hey, come here," I say to Harry, holding my arms out for him. I wrap them round him as tight as I can, all the while whispering comforting words into his hair. 

"I know it's going to be hard and horrible, bubs. But he's going to be so much happier in doggie heaven, I promise," I whisper, rubbing his back in comfort. He does it to me, and I do it to him. It goes both ways. 

"I'm not sure if I can be in the room when it happens, Soph, I really don't," he sniffs. 

"That's alright, I'll be in there with him, I promise," I reply, holding him for a little while longer. 

"We should probably go, we agreed on one, it's nearly quarter to," I say quietly, letting go and looking down at Herb on our bed one last time. 

I strap his collar round his neck and attach the lead before gently picking him up. His leg is too painful for him to walk on right now, so we had resorted to carrying him around the flat, or just letting him sleep on our bed. He seemed to enjoy it. 

"I'm going to go strap him in the car," I tell Harry. "Meet us in there when you're ready," I say, kissing him quickly on the cheek, and leaving the flat, knowing that it will be the last time I do so with Herb. 

"Herbie," I tell the dog in my arms as I wait in the lift. "Did you know that Mummy and Daddy love you so much. Yeah! That's right, we love you so much. We're so sorry that this horrible illness is taking you away. But, Herbie, you are the best thing that has ever happened to us, you know that? You'll never ever be replaced, Herbie. You'll be with us forever," I tell the canine in my arms, knowing he won't understand but talking to him comforts me anyway. 

I reach the garage, my car parked just around the corner. Instead of strapping him in just yet, I get in the car and hold him in my arms a little longer, whilst waiting for Harry. I allow myself to cry a little now, knowing I don't have much longer with our little dog. 

Instead, I hum him a little melody, whilst cradling him in my arms. This feeling hurts, it's like a dull ache that rests in my chest. I have a feeling it's only going to worsen after, but I don't want to think about that right now. No, I want to spend this time thinking about Herb, and how he's currently still in my arms.

My thoughts are interrupted as the door on the other side unlocks and Harry climbs in, carrying Oreo, the toy Freya bought him when she came round a couple of days before my birthday along with Elouise and Talia. 

That reminded me - I looked down at my left wrist, the bracelet on that Talia gifted me. I remembered the day so clearly. 

The first box was a silver bracelet...a beautiful silver bracelet that fit perfectly around my wrist. I then opened the second box, and to my excitement it was a little dog charm...it reminded me of Herb.