Belongs To An Insouciant

Want to free him.

Moosa Jahngir Hayat Khan

I was so furious how could she suggest it so causally.Pulling her with me I locked my door and putting her against my door causing a low thud, I looked into her eyes .

"Never that's never gonna happen you understand me."I never let my emotions get control of me.But this word some how has almost bought me there.

"Why are you so repelled of the idea of us together that you want divorce, tell me is that what you really want or all this rebellious attitude is because your female pride is hurt hann."
I whispered in her ear,her niqab had fallen of her face,her emotions rolling of her face like anything would be seen clearly in pure water.Stunted scared,shy.Looking at her,in her eyes,red, teared,lost and still a sight for sore eyes.
Still same as our day of nikkah.

"What are you doing leave me now leave me now or I'll call everyone here you can't do this ."she was trying to pry my hands off her wrists.Seems she has recovered.

"Go on try call everyone let's get over it for once and for all,tell everybody what you just said,tell them you want a divorce."I challenged her,i knew she won't want to hurt Maa or Baba.

" Don't be so sure i won't do it,And what you said my pride is hurt no more like I'm not interested in you, for so many years I was expected to just wait for you with no knowledge of you ,no knowledge of who was this man I'm married to, you left me hung,you left without a word after we were apparently nikkahfied.You left, left.Than why,why all of a sudden you are back and now you think you have all the right on me."

Her words are always somehow so cutting. She was now almost like trashing in my hands. My grip on her hands loses and she managed to got out of my hold.

"So my merely 16 year old wife was ready for a relationship,and here I thought you were too young to go and give a husband talk to."

"Optimistic much it's more like precision of your choices and you think the problem is why you left no, my problem is why did you come back.Everything was ok what am I suppose to do accept you as my husband I simply can't.Why can't you just leave me be. "
She was bitting her every words.she was snuffling now.

"Because even though you have never considered yourself my wife I can't stop being your husband doesn't work like that does it,I Don't have the luxury of that.What were you thinking I'll do there without you all my life ,Did you think I won't come back for what's mine ,for my wife. The moment one say's qabool hai (I do) you are taking an oath,since you are accusing me of being neglectful towards that oath I did come to see you I saw you after our nikkah because wasn't it customary observance to do so,you had passed put on your bed."I neared to her face,It felt right making her conscious of my presence and existence in her life,one may say I was satisfying my ego, i won't, It's about making my wife understand we are real.

"You were dressed in your nikkah dress,your duppatta on the other side of the bed,your hair scattered on your pillow,face tear stained,hands full of hinna.yes dear wife I remember every detail of seeing you that day,how could I ever forget." I looked in her eyes.

"why do you think I left because I knew you are so emotionally distorted you won't know how to deal with this new change of events.I knew that day though that you are the one."I stilled her at the same place against my door.
That day seeing her for first time,seeing my wife for the first time too in such state,for a second everything stopped around me.I was at an impossible position,couldn't change anything to make it a joyful occasion for myself or her she screamed vulnerability her state screamed that,now when I've observed her behaviour around everyone she seemed so thoughtful.Just me when it came to me it vanishes.

There all type of colors coming and going on her face.Her eyes had stopped on my face.

"What now nothing left you could accuse me off.Stop crying now,I'm not a monster you are so adamant on ignoring.Tell me dear wife why were you so distorted on our nikkah you didn't do it with all your heart did you.It's was nothing more than a compromise for you.What did you think I felt.Tell me now what had you so sad."
she tried backing away as I asked her inching my face even more closer to her face.
She didn't answer.I knew she had alot to say but she was just standing there quite,not saying a words.She was angry yet so conscious of my closeness,i could feel her breath on my lips.i know she could feel mine too and hell it was fucking distracting. I closed my eyes to gather myself .

"Why quite hann, no more blames to put on me to satisfy your wounded ego.I'm asking you something,you never did it with right intentions you used me for sake of dadi right.It shouldn't anger me right,how can I ,only you have the right of that,because you are my wife I'm the one responsible of everything.Now you want to do nikkah for what it is meant for,love right,sadly it's only gonna happen with me.You'll love me or may be you already do,you'll see with time how I be part of you. "I said to her now looking into her eyes.

I said removing my hands from the door.Not wanting to lose my control .She looked she wants to run now but something has stopped her,or she's gathering herself too to look unaffected.

"I don't love you."And she left.

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