Belongs To An Insouciant

Dinner

Ilham Moosa Hayat Khan.

"Ilham did you ever had such attacks before, like you had last night?"
Oh God I knew he wasn't gonna drop it. I don't him to start digging it up.
"Yes once".we were sitting on remotely less occupied place in the restaurants. That Moosa specifically asked for I don't know what's his agenda today, Seriously. We have been looking through menu from past 5 minutes. I'm so tired now from being on my toes since all day.

"You look tired let's just order fast."  he's always observing , while not being obvious about it
"Yeah,sure." Thankfully he dropped it.

"Sir ,ma'am you ready to order ."Moosa called the waiter.
"Ilham what do want."

"Yeah I'll like to have a mushroom steak and a mint margarita. "I replied to the waiter.
"I would like to have a lasagne with the same drink."
"Ok sir."

"You wanted to ready divorce papers. When do want to sign the deed."
"I just wanted to see if you really wanted me to divorce you I wasn't serious. "He looked detached ."I would have thought about it if I would have felt you really wanted that."
"Do you think it's a game, how long do you want to play me aren't six years enough."
"Ilham I don't want to divorce you, after last night I'm more determined on not letting you go,and clearly you didn't even think of doing it ever."

"Yes , I have never considered it ever before, now when you are back and Da is happy I want him to stay happy."

"Ilham for once think about us,take out everyone else out of this equation, and tell me how do you want us to be .You accepted this relationship for Dadi ,you want to keep it for Da. When will it ever be about you when will you think about yourself as my wife."
Had i ever thought about being his wife ,how do I feel being his wife. Six years it felt like a double end sword on which I had to walk even if I bled.Took me a lot to accept he's not coming back.

"I achieved peace after long, I just want to be at that . I don't want to change anything. "
Waiter served us and left.

"Right now sitting here you are not at peace. "

Surprisingly I was not uncomfortable, maybe a little tense because it's getting late, but I do feel at peace despite everything. I think I know why,because I trust him not to harm me in any way,I've no reason to believe him but I still just do,otherwise I couldn't have  even requested him to come with me.

It feels Like everything is falling at its place ,I'm actually fighting with myself to not feel peace with him.

"I have gotten my answer. "He reads into your emotions too quickly  .But today he's acting strangely calm .

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Driving back home was surprisingly quiet. It was mid night,that means everyone must be sleep.
While I took out my coat and purse ,Moosa had my shopping bags out.
"I can take my bags to my room."I told him.
"Is there a problem if I do that for you."
"No but it isn't a lot that I would need your help."
"Shut it Ilham and come before someone wakes up ." He walked away.
The thought was cheerful .
"Good night .Thank you for today. "He put my bags on my bed to leave.
"Good night and I wanted to do so no problem, you can ask me anything anytime. OK. "
"But yesterday you didn't wanna come. "I reminded him.
"Yesterday I thought you want to leave me."
"So today you don't, because I still am not ready to be with you."
"I know."he turned around he hides his emotions too well .
 
It's ok ,it's ok everything is OK.

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"Asalamalikum Da ."
"Walikumsalam come sit with me my child."
he said smiling
"How are you Da?"I asked him sitting next to him on his bed.
After offering my morning prayers I slept, it was 10 a.m by now .
"Moosa called me last about taking  someone on dinner."
He asked me teasingly.
"Da , don't ok." I told him pointedly.
"Ok I won't tease you ,but how was he ,did he behave or should I go after him with my cane." He asked holding my hand.
"No he behaved fine."
"And "
"And what Da we ate ."
"Only eating took 3 hours nice. Did he say anything about divorce. "
"He doesn't want to divorce me, he  asked me if I really want it ."
"And what did you say."
"I told him truth Da ,that I never considered it before neither am I now."
"Good you did the right thing,I'm happy you told him the truth."he said hugging me.
"When you both go to the wedding come meet me first ok."

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Moosa Jahngir Hayat Khan

Last night I understood she is fighting with herself to not feel alright with me. To not find peace with me . I've stolen her peace by coming back, how could she find it anywhere else ,because now its with me.

Yesterday has got me my peace back  that she stole with asking me to leave her.
Before going to the wedding I wanted her to wear a ring that I bought for her I think it's time I should give it to her .