I didn't knew a new storm was waiting for me when I woke up another struggle awaited me once again,or was it past coming back to mock me,it was end of my freedom ,past couldn't be left behind,and I don't know how was i gonna face it.And anxiety of i...
It hurts why does it hurt?I felt my world collapsing on me,like everything around me is breaking into pieces and I'm standing in middle of it.
"When would you like me to prepare papers?" He was asking me .
This was it ,this is the end to everything, all I was going through. But why does it not feel alright then,why am I not relieved then ,I was suppose to feel relieved may be not happy but atleast OK. Not this ,this shouldn't feel wrong . Won't all my troubles be ending with it .I was panicking I was about have another attack Allah,
"Ilham Ya Rab what happened are you ok ?" I was about to fall when he caught me he took me to his bed to sit.
"Ilham breath." "Look at me please breath I wasn't serious ,Ilham." he was holding my face in his hands.
"I looked at him I started breathing." This is second time after nikkah this has happened to me.
"You OK,here take some water."he handed me a glass of water
"I'm ok."I whispered drink few sips .
"Ya Allah what the hell is wrong with you. You scared me to death.I was not serious.I wouldn't divorce you,I don't want to clearly you don't want that either."
"I'm sorry I should go."
"Wait Ilham "I heard him calling me but I ran to my room and locked it.
What should I do. Even him touching me didn't promote this kind of attack why does just his words do that.
I got free by seven p.m Moosa was waiting for me .
"Asalamalikum " "Walikumsalam, how are you Ilham, you could have taken a day off after last night's episode. "
"I'm ok it's not a big deal can we go now it's already pretty late ." "Why did that happen to you was that because of what I said."he asked me starting the car.
"No I told you I'm fine,let's just do this for tayi and you can do whatever after that." L 9What do I tell him .
"So what do we do now pretend for few days that we are ok give everyone false hope and then break them."
"Do we have a choice ,it's not easy for me either what do think I'll have to go through after this,everyone will be disappointed, many will question me."
"Then why are you suggesting such nonsense, why aren't you telling me in.I want you to be by my side,I want to be there for you. "
"I don't want to be a bother do I deserve to be with someone who doesn't want me who only feels obliged towards me ."
"Why aren't you listening to me Ilham I said I want you to be my wife.I have always wanted you."he says that but why would he want me if he doesn't like me. Looking at him I can see he cares but that's not enough,how can I forget six years .With no knowledge of where time will take me I felt hollow . Last night he said he wasn't serious what is he at.
"It's not easy to forget six years ." I said looking ahead we reached at the Mall.Moosa was quite after what I said .
"Let's get you your clothes,we'll talk about this later."he said entering a shop . It's quite ostentatious.
"Come on look around." "Asalamalikum ma'am sir."a sales man greeted us "Walikumsalam".both of us replied to him "What are you looking for,we have this bridal dresses or you want something else." "No, party dresses please ". "Ok please come this way ."he took us to a different section of the shop where there were many pretty party dresses . "Please have a look." I started browsing through all the dresses, many were too heavy many were sleeveless. One caught my eye it was a very pretty suit with long shirt .
I was holding it looking at its embroidery ,it was very finely done . "You like it . Yes." "Why don't you choose something in red ." "Red I'm not the bride Moosa ." "Sadly that's true but there are few red dresses that are very nice." Sadly ,Ya Khuda I shook my head. "See that one."he pointed towards a dress .
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It was pretty nice and elegant I would give him that, it looked light too something I'll totally wanna wear . "Ok I guess it is more simple and elegant. " i saw a croner of his lips twitching ,did he just smile just because I agreed to get what he choose for me. This man honestly.
"Please pack this suit ." "Do you need shoes too."he asked me while paying for the dress . "Yes there's a khussa shop here let's go there."it's been long since I've gone to a wedding I had nothing that I could wear with such dress,no jewellery no shoes. I got a pretty nice khusa thankfully it didn't take very long finding one that was a perfect match and size. We got my jewellery after that.
"Have you had your dinner after duty." "No." "Ok let's get dinner then what would you like eat ." "What do mean,where are we going now." I stopped him holding his arm.What's with him now. "To a restaurant to have dinner."He took my hand in his hand and brought me to the car. "Moosa please let's go back home Da will be worried " I tried stopping him again. "I'll call Da but if Chacha(ilham's father)is back by now I'm done for sure . "He said like he was,actually scared of Baba,I really doubt he is. He said taking out his phone. "Then why are you not going back home." "Because I'm hungry and I want to take you out.Now please get in the car." "Hello Da Asalamalikum Ilham is with me please don't wait for us,we'll be having dinner out ok." "Thank you Da ,Bye." "What did Da say ?" "He said OK we can go." "Really Da said OK I highly doubt that. " "You can call him to ask if you want." he said smirking. "I shouldn't have asked you to come with me ."I sighed. He's unbearable ,it's already 9 p.m .
