Belongs To An Insouciant

only solution

Maa has painted me like a total unethically moron,who knows nothing about respecting his spouse ,hard part is I feel the same ,it so difficult for me to digest this fact that I did disrespect my wife. Ya Rab. What do I do.All these thoughts are making me feel so humiliated yet after what Ilahm has said I don't want to face her.

"Moosa I've talked to Da about your wedding. After Mudasir's wedding I'll start preparing for your wedding too .
I know you like Ilham ."
"But it's not just about me,If ilham won't agree this discussion is pointless. "
"You should go talk to her tell her what you want ,that you will respect her,you know Moosa you're my son but do you know how disappointed I was with you for what you did to that child,it's such a disrespectful thing to do to a girl leaving her right after marriage,there's nothing more important for a girl than respect ,If you can't respect her you don't deserve her."

"Maa you have made me a total rascal ,she doesn't even want to talk to me she wants me to leave her,What am I suppose to do keep running after her."

"You are responsible for that Moosa what girl will want to marry a man who left her without any reason ,I don't blame her you should try to mend things with her,leave your ego and pride a side."

"You daughter in law is going to give me a hell before she agrees."

I'm lying down thinking how I'll manage to get everything sorted.

I'm not even sure about my feelings for her how am I suppose to make her trust me. My conscious is saying don't you really know what you feel did you forget what you felt when Maryyum send you her picture first time,what you felt when you saw your bride all dressed up .
She has a very pure heart I find peace in knowing she's mine and for that reasons it's shakes me how she wants to leave me. How bad do I want her stay is the actual question.

When one girl who's keeping me up at nights,who's single handedly stopped my world comes to my room.What not even my darkest days could do,What no one has ever even come close to doing she has done .I let her effect me so much I'm questioning everything I ever did.

And I know why she has come I heard her talking to her Mom yet I left,why did I forgot everything and made her come to me is beyond me.She should also know she can't just say things like that to me, say she wants to breakup.

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Ilham

It was almost mid night when Moosa came back.And going to his room at this time feels so wrong. Yet I have to go,I wish Baba was hear.
I knocked at Moosa's door after contemplating for almost an hour standing near his room.

I heard him say come him he was lying down doing something on his phone,this is so awkward. I want to run out here Ya Allah.
"Do you have a minute."

"Yeah,come in,how are you here on this time."
Make it more awkward, why not?Coming to him it's so hard not to think how close he got to me.
"Actually Tayi."how do you even say such thing to someone you told to leave you alone.lets get over it.

"Actually Tayi wanted us to come to your cousin's wedding ." He doesn't remember what he did,he's so comfortable like ever .

"And."he said ever so cluelessly .

"And she wanted me to tell you take me to shop tomorrow after work for something to wear on the wedding since no one else is here to take me."I unconsciously clasped my hands.

"Tomorrow I'm not free I've many meeting. Take driver with you ."
He's getting on my nerves .

"Do you think I'm free I won't be free until about 7 or 8 p.m it will be so late by that time.Can't you post on your meeting. "

"No I can't and I can go alone to Mudasir's wedding you don't have to bother."

"Ok fine than I'll inform Tayi you are not taking me with you."

"You think I'm afraid of your Tayi ."he seemed so amused. "And if I tell her about your wishes she'll be overjoyed right."

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Moosa Jahngir Hayat Khan

Now she was about to cry,how could this girl be a doctor with such naive heart ,

"Ok I'll take you,by the way however how are you ok with going with me alone. "

She looked anything but comfortable asking me that. I don't know why I wanted to take full advantage of her situation right now its so amusing.

"Did you not want me yo leave you alone. You dislike me even than."

"I don't dislike you why would I dislike you, and you are saying it like it's such a pleasure for me to ask that."

"Ok so you like me then."I said nearing her.

"No,no I don't,it's not that either."she is stuttering. Moving back,she remembers our last encounter.

"You don't dislike me, that only means you like me, doesn't it?"I stepped further close to her. She pushed me putting her hand on my chest.

"Why are you doing this to me you know what I meant ."she addled.

"No I just what to know what has promoted the thought of separation if you don't dislike me."

"You were forcing my responsibilities upon you,I didn't want you to do that,so I just said it before that day I never once thought about it."

"I have been thinking about your suggestion I suppose it's the only solution too." I whispered to her.