How it Happened is Irrelevant (Mabbell)

9

A/n: I'm sooooooo lost for a plot line. I have little bits and pieces in my head, but I'm writing this faster than I can think up new parts!

"What are you doing here?" He asks me. 

I shrug. "I don't really know." I look at him. "What're you doing here?"

"This is a part of your imagination. I can't keep out of your head." He smiles in that really sexy way that always catches me off guard.

"Doesn't it make you tired? Running around here every time I start to think too hard?"

"I'm not a real person. You know that."

I sigh. "You're right. You're not a real person."

"Then what are you doing in here? Go out there and get the real thing!" He encourages me by reaching out and squeezing my hand. I expect to feel warmth, but feel no life in his hand.

"I can't," I shake my head. "I can't get the real thing."

"Maybe you're just looking at reality the wrong way."

"You don't know how hard it is to look the right way then."

"You don't need to hide anymore." He lets go of my hand. "It's time."

"It's time for what?" I cock my head.

"It's time for you to tell them. All of them."

"All of them?"

"At least the whole band. Confirm it for them. You can do it."

"What'll happen to you if I do get the real thing?"

"You can stop hiding in your sexy, lucid dreams." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "And if it doesn't work out, I'll always be here for you to pretend."

"Craig?" I ask.

"What is it?" He looks at me. Really looks at me.

"Thank you."

"You should ask Thrasher for more liquid courage."

I chuckle. "I'll get my own courage."

"Real courage?"

"I'm coming out of the closet."

And then I woke up. I looked around and saw that I was in my own bunk. I scrambled to get the clothes that I'd left here on before leaving my bunk and waking everyone up. Once they were all rubbing their eyes and cursing at me for getting them up at this ungodly hour, I struggled to find the words to say. "I just had a sign come to me in the form of a lucid dream," I began. 

"And did the sign tell you what time it is?" Kevin complained. 

"I know you've all probably figured it out by now, but......" I swallowed hard. "I'm gay?"

"Are you asking or telling?" Max asked.

"Telling?"

"Really?" Robert asked.

"Really," I said, finally sounding somewhat sure of myself.

"I already knew," Kevin confirmed. 

"I kinda figured," Max admitted.

They all looked to Craig, who was looking at the ceiling. 

"Don't you have anything to say?"

"He already told me."

"When?"

"A little over a week ago."

"What took you so long?" Kevin asked.

"I didn't know how to say it," I lied. 

"So then you were afraid of what we might think." 

I neither confirmed nor denied it. 

"Are we all just going to stand here awkwardly now?" Robert asked.

"Oh, right. Nothing to see here, please disburse." They all scattered in different directions, except for Craig, who took my hand and let me to the back lounge. "What are we doing in here?" I asked, confused.

"Sit." He pointed to one of the only open cushions. Not really knowing what else to do in response, I sat. "You told me that you came to terms with your sexuality though you dreams."

"You're not gay," I told him firmly.

"I know that!"

"Then why are we having this conversation?" I crossed my arms and sat back.

"Because.....what's it called when you'd date anyone, regardless of their gender?"

"Pansexual. But you're not-"

"I never told anyone this, so you better not leak it." He held up a firm finger to me. I nodded at his particularly aggressive tone. "I fooled around a bit in high school. I had a boyfriend at one point, and I once dated someone who was gender-fluid."

"So what changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"As far as everyone knows, you've only ever had girlfriends. What changed?"

"Nothing changed. I just...fell in love with a few women."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"I'm not finished the story yet." He bit his fingernails. "It gets a little worse."

"What do you mean?"

"I may or may not have dated my teacher in senior year."

"What?! That's so wrong!"

"I know! I was eighteen, I swear. She was only twenty-two, but much to my disappointment, she was more interested in a serious relationship than I was. We fell off quickly."

"Wait, you never had a sexual escapade with her?"

"Nope. We made out like, once, but that was it." He looked up so as to think about what he'd said. Then he looked at me. "You had a sexual escapade with a teacher?"

"Well...." I twiddled my thumbs. "I once gave a teacher a blowjob so that he'd give me a better grade."

"That's even more wrong!"

"That's not even the worst part."

"What's the worst part?"

I cringed. "The principal caught the whole thing on a camera."

"You got in trouble?"

"No. The principal was a little too obsessed with porn."

He stuck his tongue out in disgust. "That's gross."

"It is." I tutted. "So why did you force me to come out if you're not?"

"It never really came up until now. You doing this made me think about it." He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't.

"Interesting."