How it Happened is Irrelevant (Mabbell)

31

Despite what Robert had said about not bothering to apologize, I couldn't help but feel awful for what I'd done. Even in my drunken state, my guilty conscience haunted me. I knew Max hadn't gone back to the bus, that would be far to obvious. Instead, I went to the nearest convenience store, where I knew he would be buying cigarettes. 

He crossed his arms when he spotted me. It was all I could do to not throw up in the store, but I had to speak nonetheless. "I know it probably means nothing to you, but I'm sorry," I told him. "I'm not going to blame it on alcohol either. I did this all myself. I should trust you, and Craig. It was selfish of me to even start anything with him in the first place."

Max's expression softened. "Don't tell me you two are gonna cut it off. I would never forgive myself if I was reason for that."

I shook my head. "We're not."

"I forgive you," He told me. "But please believe me when I tell you that I do not feel that way about Craig." He stuck his tongue out. "Even thinking about him like that makes me feel weird."

I chuckled. "And that's why you're with your girlfriend." I felt a wave of nausea once more. "I'm really drunk," I admitted. 

"Do you need me to walk you back to the bus?" He offered, showing genuine concern. 

"I-I think so." 

"Are you crying?" He asked, looking at me strangely. 

"What? No!" I rubbed my eyes and saw that he was right. There really were tears coming from my eyes. I wonder why that is. "My parents disowned me and wished me dead," I mumbled, stumbling around for the front door. 

"That's awful!" Max exclaimed, lending me his arm so I could walk.

"Yeah, it is. It's so fucking annoying. Sometimes I wish I could stitch up their mouths and tie up their hands so they can't hurt anyone else." You need to shut up, right now. Shut up, TJ! Shut the fuck up!

"That's a dark thought."

"I'm an anti-hero," I laughed. "Right thing for the wrong reasons."

"You said it backwards."

"I'm really drunk."

"You don't think about stitching up anyone else though, right?" There was concern in his tone. 

"No." We exited the store, talking as he led me back to the bus. "Although sometimes I have strange fantasies about Craig." Shut. The. Fuck. Up!

"I don't want to hear them," Max stopped me. 

"Do you ever think about what it feels like to die?"

"Trust me when I tell you that I've already felt it. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. It's really better to be alive." 

I think this was about where my vision was starting to go black. There were stars in front of my eyes, or maybe that was just the night sky. How come I could never see Polaris until now? 

"Whoa! I can't carry you!" He yelled at me suddenly. "Craig!" He shouted. My ears perked up at the sound of his voice. Where's Craig?

"You're really drunk," Craig told me. I assumed that he was helping Max carry me, but I couldn't be sure. 

I regained consciousness when I was on the bus. Max and Craig were still carrying me, but I stopped them, getting to my feet. "I can walk," I told them.

"Go to bed," Craig told me. My arms were looped around each of their shoulders, but I let go of Max and looped my other one around Craig as well. 

"Carry me," I told him.

"Already did that. You're far too heavy. Now go to bed before you pass out again."

Reluctantly, I let him go and wandered off to the bunk area. I forgot who's bunk was who's. I walked around for a minute before falling into one. I think it was mine. Even if it wasn't though, there was no one in it, and it smelled amazing. I couldn't place the scent, exactly, but it was irresistible. I wished my dreams smelled like this. I think after that I passed out again. I couldn't figure out who's bunk I was in before doing so, however. 

Craig's POV:

I went back to the bunk area about an hour after TJ had, mostly to make sure he hadn't thrown up in his sleep or anything. I was surprised to find that he wasn't in his bunk, however. The curtain to my bunk had been left open, and inside was a TJ-shaped figure. I couldn't be sure in the darkness, but I think it was him. I shook my head and let him be. I closed the curtain to separate us so that no one would know he was staying there. 

I returned back to the Nintendo console. Since it was almost three in the morning, it was too late to play Zelda. I'd have to be satisfied beating my current record in Mario Kart. Every record I beat, I became closer to finally beating TJ. 

"What're you doing still up?" Kevin asked me, yawning. 

"TJ stole my bunk." I know I ratted him out, but it's better than answering questions about my insomnia. 

"I see. Why don't you just steal his?"

"I'm not tired."

He sighed, defeated. "You looked pretty tired yesterday, even after you slept."

I didn't tell him I'd only slept an hour. "Maybe I just look tired compared to most people. What do you want from me?"

"Alright, no need to get testy." He took out his laptop. 

"What're you doing on that at this hour?"

"Mixing," He answered, not removing his focus from the screen. 

"You can't sleep either?"

"Uh-uh," He sighed. That was a new one. Is it possible that the dramatic evens of a few days ago are effecting his sleep? Who knows? He slept fine before, though. He's okay. We didn't speak aside from that. There really wasn't anything to speak about, and Robert would get upset if we were talking, even in hushed tones, at three in the morning.