How it Happened is Irrelevant (Mabbell)

28

A/n: young Craig ^^ 😍😍

Craig's POV:

I regret it. I regret saying anything. I regret giving TJ the opportunity to ask me that question. I regret saying yes. I regret it all. He was flirty and touchy-feely enough before, I can't imagine how much worse it's gonna be now that we're actually a thing. 

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe he won't overdo it. 

Oh, who am I kidding? He's got to be so far over the moon right now he's outside of the Milky Way. And it's all because I said those nine words. Now he's gonna be jealous and possessive and give me all sorts of extra attention that I don't want. I looked at my phone to check the time, even though I knew it was before four in the morning. We hadn't even stopped moving yet. 

I guess it's time for my usual insomnia to cause me to play video games until someone else woke up once more. "Craig?" A voice asked me before I could get up to do so. I sat very still. "I don't know if you're awake, but I think that you are. I-It's Max. If you are awake, please don't open the curtain. I don't want to know that you can hear me." I think he sat down next to my bunk. "I'm not a pour-my-heart-out kinda dude, but I'm fallin' apart here." His voice caught. "I'm sober, I swear. I can't do this anymore, Craig. I'm smoking more than I ever have. It's so easy to just overdose on even ibuprofen. I hate alcohol even, but sometimes it seems easier to just drink until I forget that I'm still trying to get over this. I know you and Ronnie told me that it's better when you're sober, but I can't....I don't feel that way. It was easier when I could just pass out and be a rock star, blinded by the lights. I feel human again. Does that make sense?" 

I couldn't respond. Not because I didn't know how, but because I didn't want him to know I'd heard him. 

"Of course not. I should want to be human. I should want to feel like myself. But I think that's the problem." He shifted. "I don't know who Max is anymore."

I let my hand slip out from underneath the curtain. Max took it and squeezed it. "TJ's gonna be so jealous," He reminded me. I didn't retract. Somehow, even if he was right, which I knew he was, I almost wanted to see that happen. 

"Idon'tcare," I whispered quickly, though it sounded more like 'in your hair.'

He let go of my hand. "Thanks for listening, I guess. Don't worry about me though. I'm gonna be fine."

"I won't tell Robert," I added, this time making sure he could hear me. 

"Thank you." He sounded so grateful it scared me. I knew that Robert picked on him about it, but I never knew how much Max took it to heart. I mean, he really took all of it so seriously. He genuinely believed that people thought he was just going to up and relapse. 

The following morning, I was greeted by the first light of dawn. I hadn't fallen asleep. I guess now it was okay to have a coffee though. I left my bunk, and when I was about to get the coffee grounds, I noticed a note on the refrigerator.

Craig,
Bonne matinée, mon cher.
(Yes I know that means I'm leaving.)
I finished the coffee. You'll have to buy more. Sorry, I didn't read your name on it.
-TJ

Well, that plan is shot. No place that sells decent coffee is going to be open at this hour.

"Coffee thief," I muttered to TJ as he awoke. "What're you doing up this early?"

"Had to piss," he explained, rubbing his eyes. "What're you doing up?"

"I'm an insomniac. I'm up til I pass out."

"I knew that." He ripped his note from the fridge, crumpling it in his hand. "It's too early to be up yet." He started going back to his bunk.

"Wait!" I shouted.

"What's wrong?"

"If I promise to sleep....will you stay out here with me?"

"Sure, sure." He sighed, gesturing to the bench. He made himself comfortable before I joined him and laid on his shoulder.

It was nice. I was actually sleeping for once. That is, until TJ fell asleep. He moves a lot in his sleep. He woke me up as he shifted and adjusted himself. So much for this.

But all of the sudden he became very still. His breathing evened out, and he looked almost dead for a moment. I took the opportunity to try and sleep again, this time being a bit more success than last.

That is until about an hour later, when the Sun rose and it was daytime once again.