How it Happened is Irrelevant (Mabbell)

16

A/n: I'm gonna take so long writing this chapter and I'm gonna enjoy every fucking word

"So what does Heaven look like?" I asked, Craig, who had taken my hand again and was currently leading me up the street. 

"It depends on who you ask."

"What would you say?" We crossed the street. My fingers were longer than his, and more flexible too, so I could feel his pulse in his wrist again. I was afraid his heart might burst. "Honest answer."

"I would say that Heaven isn't something you can see. It's more of a feeling."

"So then Heaven is an orgasm?"

He made a sound that sounded somewhere between a snort and a choke. "I suppose that's one way to put it. " 

"I want to know where you're taking me," I pleaded.

"And I told you that I was taking you to Heaven. You're needy, you know that?"

"Sorry," I sighed unapologetically.

"No, no. I think it's cute."

"What's up with the sudden change of pace?" I raised an eyebrow, letting him lead me on. 

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that you were like 'I'll do it but only at night when I'm too tired to think straight.'" I added air quotes for effect.

"I'm sorry if I came off that way." He looked back at me and smiled briefly. I didn't really know how to take it. If he was genuinely sorry, why act that way in the first place? Who could have possibly taken any of his actions differently? I guess all is forgiven though. I mean, this is what I wanted after all.  Craig suddenly stopped walking. I looked up.

"If this is Heaven, it looks and awful lot like a Chevron gas station," I complained.

"It's not that."

"What's the matter then?"

"I don't know why, but I remember this gas station so vividly."

"There are probably dozens of them."

"No, no. It's this one in particular." He looked around, walking forward. He pointed to one of the poles that was holding up the roof. "Look."

I rolled my eyes and looked where he pointed. "Is that my signature?" I asked, recognizing the marker that had been written there. "It's still here?"

"That's right. We went here on the first tour you were on with us. We had those really salty chips and only had alcohol on the bus."

"And we had to stop for water because the alcohol only made it burn worse," I recalled. "And we only found that out after drinking a ton of it so I was super drunk-"

"And I dared you to sign this pole." He bit his lip. "Wow. You know, it's crazy."

"What's crazy?"

"You probably had a thing for me even back then. I never even knew."

"Not then," I shook my head. 

"What changed then?"

"How should I know?" I looked away from him. I did know the answer to his question, but it was a super shallow answer. If he knew the real reason why my feelings for him changed in the first place, he'd never treat me this way again.

"I would think you would have a better grasp on your emotions than a teenage girl in love with the prom king."

"I don't want to talk about it then. What does it matter?"