How it Happened is Irrelevant (Mabbell)

33

When I said that TJ and I would do whatever we wanted tonight, I was thinking he'd want to have sex with me or something. I was expecting to make out oh-so passionately in the back lounge, not caring if anyone else could hear. What I wasn't expecting was to go to a five-star, very-high-end, super-exclusive restaurant in the only clothes I'd brought that could pass for formal. 

And believe me when I say formal. I mean TJ went so far as to take his piercings out for fear of getting kicked out. He could go without them, but the holes in my ears would just have to be there whether anyone else liked it or not. 

Once seated, I looked around, noting the very wealthy looking guests. "How much did this cost you? " I asked nervously. If this was the reason why he was stealing-

"A minor dent in a huge fund. Don't worry though. I didn't spend every cent I had on you. " He look my hand in his. 

"Then why did you steal that vodka. Or that movie? Or that balloon? " 

He sighed. "I already answered that question. No one cares if you take things. Don't draw attention to yourself if you wanna get away with something. " 

"Why did you start? " 

He looked uncomfortable, and concealed himself with his menu. "It was an accident. " I couldn't see his facial expression, which bothered me. "I never meant to learn how to get away with stealing things. " 

"That doesn't make sense. " The waiter came by to take our drink orders, which we gave him. Two of the house wines. Once he left, I turned my attention back to the matter at hand. "How do you accidentally steal something? " 

"I didn't want to get away with it. Actually, I was even going to pay. " He put the menu down, and I saw his face once more. I couldn't read his expression though. "My mother, " he cringed, "wasn't getting me a pair of skinny jeans. I wanted them so desperately that I took them off of the shelf. I was going to pay for them, but she took my hand and pulled me out of the store. I waited for the alarms to go off, for security to come, for someone to be angry with me for shoplifting. Nothing happened. I learned then that keeping the attention away from yourself keeps you in disguise. I was so invisible to everyone that no one even saw me take the jeans, much less not pay for them. " 

"But why keep it up? Why keep doing it if you stole them on accident? " 

"Adrenaline." He drummed his fingers on the white tablecloth. "This feeling in my gut, in my veins, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I couldn't get enough of it. I still can't. Every time I steal something, I worry I'm gonna get caught. Every time it doesn't happen, the high goes away until the next time."

Our wine was brought over to us mid-conversation. TJ shut up immediately. After the waiter had left once more, I proposed a small toast. "To our second date in one day," I said. We tapped our glasses together, and we each took a sip. Immediately after TJ had taken his sip, his eyes grew wide. His hand began to tremble, and he dropped the glass on the floor. It shattered while he took off, running faster than I'd seen anyone run in my life. "TJ! Wait!" I called. I reached into my pocket to leave some money to pay off what little we'd gotten, left the cash on the table, and ran after him.

TJ had raced out of the restaurant pretty fast, so I was nearly out of breath by the time I found him. He was sitting on the cold sidewalk, knees hugged to his chest, looking out to the street. I sat next to him. "What happened?" I asked.

He reached into his pocket and put his lip and nose ring back in, hands shaking madly. "I'm sick of pretending to be someone I'm not." He undid some of the buttons on his dress shirt, and pulled it over his head, exposing his completely bare torso. "I'm sick of pretending to be happy for the fans, I'm sick of pretending to not be horny for you, I'm sick of pretending to be straight for the media, I'm sick of pretending to be a fantastic person for people who don't know me, I'm sick of pretending to be the son my mother always wanted, I'm sick of living this way!" He made a wild gesture after he got all of it off of his chest, nearly hitting me in the eye. 

"I don't understand. What made you-?"

"My motherfucking mother was in the restaurant, Craig! She saw me!" I put the shirt that he discarded over his shoulders. He shrugged it off. 

"You'll freeze to death," I reminded him. 

"It's better than living like this. I can't be a fake anymore, Craig. I can't do it. Please don't make me- mm-" I kissed him gently to get him to calm down. I was pulling away too, but his fingers found my hair. "I want to forget it."

"I'm not making you pretend to be anyone else," I told him. I took his hands away from my hair. Both of them were still trembling in his overwhelming emotions. "What do you need?" I asked gently. 

"More comfortable clothes," He gestured to the shirt he'd taken off and his pants. "And maybe a cocktail?" 

"You want me to make you one?" I was surprised.

"I don't want to see anyone else." Shaking his head, he regained enough strength to get to his feet. "Come on. I'm sure that the guys won't be too judgy."

While it wasn't exactly the fancy night out that TJ had originally planned, we did still get to have a little time to ourselves in the back lounge. Nothing happened really, except for a few kisses and the drinking of a little more than one cocktail each.