stormy weather (dreamnotfound)

chapter 13 - desire

buckle ur seatbelts kids

-

I knocked on his door, biting my lip nervously as I looked down the hallway.

"Clay. Please open the door," I begged, my hand twisting the locked doorknob.

There was no reply, no sound came from inside the room. If I hadn't seen him slam the door, I wouldn't have known he was in there.

I knocked again, feeling shame slip into my chest. I was in shock from Schlatt's blow that I barely had time to realize what was happening before it was too late. It was only a brief moment, our lips barely touched before I heard Clay's astonished gasp ring in my ears. Even though I didn't initiate the kiss, I still felt the guilt already eating me alive.

I stepped back in surprise when his door opened slightly, revealing his pale face to the dark hallway. His hand clasped the edge of the door, only cracking it enough so I could see half of his face.

"Can I come in?" I asked quietly, placing my hand on the door. He hesitated for a moment before slightly nodding, then he walked away. I took that as a yes and pushed the door open, closing it behind me and leaning on it, trying to keep as much distance from him as possible. He made his way to his bed and sat down, holding his head in his hands.

"Clay, I'm sor-"

"Don't apologize. I know- I know you didn't mean to." he muttered through his hands, his voice barely audible.

"But I still did. I was so confused, Clay, I shouldn't have gone for your dad like that. He just made me so fucking mad, how he pushes you all around and gets away with it." I confessed as I played with my hands absentmindedly.

"Knowing that I.. hurt you makes my heart break, and seeing your upset expression right after I kissed your literal sister.. right in front of you.." my lip started to quiver mid-sentence, making my words cut off.

"George, I don't-"

"It really s-scared me cause I'm the one- I'm the one who made you react like that." I bit my lip and choked back a sob, sniffling heavily.

"I'm still... confused. I don't know what I want. I don't want this situation, though. I don't want to be stuck between you two. I'm not- I'm not meant to be with her..." my voice trailed off, unsure of my words.

All the emotions of the past hour had built up until my breaking point. I felt the tears flow down my face, sobbing quietly against his bedroom door. I wiped my nose and glanced down at the blood on my hand, but that was the last thing I cared about. I was only focused on the guy who sat only few feet away from me, so close yet so, so far away.

He was completely silent. He didn't look my way or show me he was listening. I wasn't sure if he even heard me, and I didn't bother to wipe the tears from my eyes to check if he was.

"And I definitely don't want to push you away. We're just- beginning, I'm not ready for us to be over yet, whatever 'us' means," I pointed my finger in between us, even though he wasn't looking my direction.

"I want you to know that-"

"Stop, George," he grumbled, standing up and walking into his closet.

"Stop what?" I cried, following behind him, standing in the doorway of his closet while he sat on the booth that was placed in-between racks of clothes.

"You're gonna make me cry," he muttered, keeping his gaze on the carpeted floor in the dark room.

I opened my mouth to talk, but without even looking at me he stopped my words.