We're just falling apart (Steve x Tony)

19

There is a MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING in this chapter. If you don't want to read it I understand. Just go to the next chapter for the ending. Thank you :)

Loki's POV

I had to prepare. This wasn't very fair on me, what Steve had asked me to do. I promised I would, but I just know that the reprocussions of this is... they aren't going to be good. I filled up the bath for him and waited for him to come in.

"Are you sure you want to do this? There's no turning back once it's done..." I told him. 

"I'm sure." He said and handed me a note. "Give it to everyone who needs to see it." This was him trying to rescue me, but it wouldn't be enough. 

Steve stepped into the tub, being fully clothed and I closed my eyes. I get why he wanted me to do this. In his eyes, I'm probably the only one who could bounce back from committing such an act. But... This... It was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I'll get myself out of it though. Whatever comes my way- I will cope.

He slowly slipped under the water and for a moment he was alright. This is why I needed to be here. I needed to make sure it happened and that his survival instincts didn't stop him from drowning. I put my hand on his head at the moment that he wanted to come up for air. 

He began to thrash. I put my other hand over his face. He was so strong. I did my best to contain myself but I couldn't help but cry. 

It wasn't long until he went still. I put the shower curtain into the water in a way which made this look like he'd done it himself or it was an accident. I dried my arms off and then called for an ambulance, but I knew it was too late. I had just killed him. I sat on the toilet, holding the note. I hadn't read it yet.  The world had gone quiet. It had gone blurry. I think a paramedic was talking to me but I don't know what they said. 

A few weeks later

Dressing in black has become a habit. I think I might just start wearing it more often. Seems like people just keep dying. 

"Loki. It wasn't your fault" Thor told me. 

"Oh, brother. If you only knew." I mumbled. I hadn't told him. I hadn't told anyone. They think he did it to himself, like he knew that he wouldn't be able to drown on his own so he put the shower curtain into the water so he couldn't come up. They don't know that I held him down. I suppose that's good because it means that the police have left me alone. 

"I don't want to hear that it was your fault, Loki. It wasn't." He hugged me. 

I stepped out in front of everyone that loved Steve. His crying parents were standing close and holding hands.

So many people paying their respects. I stood in front of them ready to speak as I was giving a eulogy.  Me, out of all people. I looked over at the crowd of bowed heads and saw one head that wasn't bowing.

Natasha. She was glaring at me like she knew what I'd done, but once I started to speak, her head dipped. 

It wasn't my fault that he wanted to die. He wanted to be with Tony and I was the only person who had the power to get him there.