Friend or Foe... (AoT Reader Insert)

Chapter 43: What Helps You Sleep

Nearly a week had passed since (Y/n) had gone back into the walls. Nearly a week since she'd gone to retrieve Annie.

While I didn't quite know the extent of their relationship, I knew that she cared.

The two of them, (Y/n) and Annie, had always been close. Perhaps it was because of their similar nature that they got along so well. Both Annie and (Y/n) had a tendency to avoid conflict and take full responsibility for their actions. At least, that's the impression I got when being informed of how Annie was captured.

I don't think I ever quite expected Annie to push someone down a flight of stairs; well, actually it seems like something Annie would do if backed into a corner, but not to (Y/n). While I didn't have to be concerned for (Y/n)'s well being, that didn't stop me from resenting my blonde companion.

It might've been the reason why, despite her efforts, I didn't want (Y/n) to go back to Trost.

Even though I knew how much she wanted - needed - to bring Annie back, I still didn't want her to go. If not for the combined insistence of Reiner and (Y/n), I would've gone back with her. At least, that's what I'd like to think I would've done.

Deep down, I knew it would've been selfish of me to go. It would've been even more selfish of me if I told her not to go.

I think that in all honesty, that's the reason why things played out the way they did.

I wonder... does a selfish person know that they're selfish?

While I personally liked to believe that I wasn't someone who would put their own needs above others, I couldn't stop thinking of what would've changed; what could've been different if I had gone back with her.

Sometimes... and I don't think I'd ever admit it... I wish I was more of a selfish person.

Being someone who's life isn't even their own, was I even allowed to be selfish? When the choices I make indirectly decide the fate of others, would it be right to put my own needs above those countless other people?

Though a part of me wanted to say yes, I knew the only answer which awaited me was no.

"Hey, Bert," Reiner suddenly placed his hand on my shoulder and I stiffened, "I've been calling you for a little while. You alright?"

I nodded, "yeah. What do you need?"

"I was about to brew some coffee. Did you want some?"

"Sure," I responded, my eyes never really leaving the ever increasing distance of the horizon. I noticed that when Renier removed his hand, I finally felt myself relax.

"You're really worried about her, aren't you?"

"I mean... aren't you?"

Reiner hesitated before responding. It seemed like he was thinking over his words in case he might offend me. I doubted he would. At least, I doubted that he'd intentionally try to offend me. "I can't say that I'm super stoked for her solo mission..." He paused again, his voice unwavering as he fiddled with a small kettle, "but... I trust her."

I'm not quite sure why, but the amount of trust Reiner put into (Y/n)... surprised me.

Perhaps it was because of how different he was; a stark contrast to how he'd been the night before we had broken down the gate of the Trost District.

Back then, I don't think I ever quite expected him to keep such a secret from (Y/n); I didn't quite expect to have to keep a secret from her either. Now that I think about it, all of us were keeping a lot of secrets from each other during that time.