Friend or Foe... (AoT Reader Insert)

Chapter 22: No More Promises

What does it mean to be brave?

While I'd like to think that being brave is being able to state your opinions openly and freely, I wasn't quite sure that was the case. I certainly didn't find that Suicidal Bastard brave every time he told the world he wanted to kill every single Titan, yet I thought of myself as brave for stating my desire to join the Military Police...

Perhaps to be brave is to put your life on the line for others, but risking your life so someone else could live was just stupid. Why would anyone risk their own wellbeing for someone else? It just didn't make any sense.

Perhaps in the eyes of others, risking their life was a way to prove something. To prove that they were above others enough to put their lives on the line? Maybe.

To prove that they were brave enough to do something as stupid as die for nothing, more like it.

Did it make me a coward to be where I was now?

To be hiding on some rooftop while others were out fighting Titans... It certainly didn't make me feel brave, but throwing my life away just to save someone else didn't feel brave either.

"(Y/n)," I heard the familiar voice of Marco begin, "are you okay?"

My body stiffened involuntarily. It was almost like hearing the girl's name put a spell on me. I hated that I was always so acutely aware of (Y/n)'s presence, but maybe that was only because she never noticed me the way she noticed-

"Marco..." the girl spoke. Her tone was quieter than usual. She probably just didn't want to disturb the others who were wallowing in self pity, but there was something else too.

Perhaps... regret?

I hadn't seen anyone else from her squad aside from Armin, but I really didn't want to think about what that meant. It was probably because deep down I already knew what it meant. I mean, only an idiot wouldn't understand that much.

I told myself that I wasn't going to turn around. That I shouldn't be concerned with the current status of others, but I just couldn't help myself.

(Y/n) smiled at Marco, but it wasn't her usual carefree smile. The one she wore now seemed practiced. If any other person was to glance at her, her smile would most likely seem normal but I knew that wasn't the case.

It was almost like she was wearing a mask.

I couldn't imagine a world where (Y/n), such a carefree and joyful girl, would ever have to perfect something as simple as a smile. Yet, that was the type of smile she wore at this very moment.

"I'm fine," (Y/n) replied, "today's just been one hell of a day."

Marco nodded, "it definitely has... but you know, you don't have to be okay. It's okay to admit if you're scared. I'd never make fun of you for it because... well... I definitely am."

(Y/n), even if just for a moment, smiled genuinely.

I've always envied the way Marco could bring out the most genuine of smiles from (Y/n). Perhaps it was because they tended to be near each other a lot of the time but it was something he could do that I couldn't.

Marco turned away from (Y/n) for a moment only for (Y/n) to grasp his sleeve. There was a look in her eyes; a look that I'd never seen before.

But it wasn't for me, it was for Marco.

"I know it must be selfish of me to ask you something like this... but could you stay? Even if just for a little while longer?"

The words (Y/n) spoke to Marco made my chest tighten. She hadn't spoken those words to me yet every fiber of my body wished that she had. I wasn't entirely familiar with the feeling, but I knew for a fact that I was... jealous.