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"babe, i told you she don't mean nun' to me, it's just so my niggas don't think nun is up." i tried to explain to sy for the third time this week, his friends tell him that they see me out with a girl but i already told him way before we even started dating that they're cover ups.
but he chooses to listen to them dumb hoes and not trust me, but it's coo, cause when i do something wrong it's gonna be the end of the world, because that's his problem, he can do things to me but if it's done back to him he get mad, i hate that shit.
it's so much i wanna change about his attitude but i love him so damn much, sometimes i be wanting to punch him in his fuckin' mouth but i restrain myself because that's the old me.
i can't see myself putting my hands on my lover again, my past is what affected my future, i snapped one time... never again, i may not like girls but i can't be that guy. i didn't mean to kill her, i just... snapped.
her family still loves me despite what i did, i even take care of her kids from time to time, i just really wish i didn't do what i did.. her family was understanding of how stressful she was, and my mental disorder, but that doesn't make what i did okay. i served my time and now i'm out trying to fix my life and make things better.
"um, hello?" symir spoke yelling out loud, knocking me out of my daydream. "what cuh." i said aggravated as i sat on the couch in the living room of our apartment we shared, which is ironically on grape street, which also means i couldn't do much when i stayed over here, because i couldn't have any of my boys seeing me leave "the gay niggas house." because that would raise so many eyebrows.
i hate that i have to hide the fact that we date, but i can't lose my life over something that little, i'm not sure why they even care what we're attracted to, but anyway... back to symir.
"and you don't ever take my feelings into consideration." he finished nagging me, with tears running from his eyes, immediately snapping me right back out of my daydream, making me feel horrible for not listening to what my baby had to say.
i know the things that i do hurt him, i honestly don't mean to.. it's just that i have some growing up to do, and i know that, but i want him around to guide me, and teach me how to be the man he needs me to be.
"are you even listening?" he yelled smacking my blunt out of my mouth right before i sparked it, i looked up at him with dark eyes, straight facing him because i initially wanted to fuck him up, but he not like these niggas i'm used to beating up, this my baby. "you fuckin' serious dude?" i asked as i picked up my blunt and pushed him down on the couch, and walked into our room, slamming and locking the door.
as i sparked my blunt on the bed, and laid back all i could hear was a loud "fuck you bryson!" before the front door slammed, mentally smacking my forehead and sighing out of stress.
"what the fuck am i gonna do with this nigga mane."
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