Fatal Attractions[On hold]

Angel Jaden

I can still remember how shy and nervous I felt the first day I had met the Winchesters. I remember hiding behind my father's legs as he talked with John Winchester. My father was a strong man. He never relied on anyone else to help him. If there was a problem in his way, he'd handle it. He never took no for an answer.

I used to look up to my dad as a child; he was the only one I ever had. My mom had died in a fire when I was a baby. I always thought it was just an accident, at least I used to think that. Now I know the truth. I knew what had really happened.

When I was a child, I used to wonder why we always had to travel. I would always be stuck in a motel room alone, while my dad was out working. He would always say that his job made him move around a lot. If I would ask, what his job was, he'd change the subject. After he met John, I started staying with Dean and Sam.

Ah, Dean and Sam.

My childhood memories with them had always been my favorite. They were in the past. Before we grew up and our relationship had become twisted. It took us awhile to actually start liking each other when we had first met, though.

When I had first met Dean, his face held two emotions. Pity and hate. For the longest time, I never understood how a boy I had just met could hate me so much. Dean wouldn't even speak to me unless his dad made him. I honestly don't remember when our relationship had changed into the one it was now. Maybe it was after I had met Azazel for the first time. After my father had died. When John had taken his obsession too far.

Sam had taken to me right away. The first night I stayed with the boys, Sam had tried to be my friend. He gave me candies, let me play his games, gave me his turn on the TV, and almost anything else he could try. I was too shy and scared to even attempt to be nice back. But Sam never gave up. I think he was just so desperate to have someone else besides Dean to talk to.

For two and a half years, my dad and I traveled with the Winchester's. I grew closer to Sam and Dean continued to hate me. Sam was mean to me too sometimes. Now when I think back on it, I think they were jealous.

After their mom had been killed, their dad turned into a complete control freak and a drill sergeant. He had forgot how to be a dad. Mine didn't. After my mom died, my dad stayed the same. Every night he'd come back from working, he would pick me up and tell me how much he loved me. My father never forgot to tuck me in or kiss me goodnight.

I miss that sometimes. I miss the warmth of my father's touch and love. After he died, I felt like I was cold all the time. No matter how much I would be covered, I would still be freezing. I remember telling Dean that it was like my dad had taken all my warmth with him.

I had changed after my dad died. I wasn't shy or timid anymore. I wasn't scared. I felt like I had grown stronger and braver. I had to. Without my dad around, there wasn't anyone who could control John. Sam would try to help, but John would only shut him down. I had to be strong to keep myself from going crazy. John used me countless times before he finally snapped. Before Dean and Sam had both made him stop.

For 12 long, endless years, I put up with John. I dealt with demons and things that weren't supposed to exist. And I was caught between Sam and Dean. I loved them both. As a friend, as brothers, and as lovers. They were my whole world. When I had finally grew the courage to leave, saying good bye was the hardest thing I had ever done.

And now, four years later, guess where my dumb ass is? Back with the Winchester. I sighed as I shook my head. Sometimes I felt like the Winchester's were like cocaine. Once you get that first hit, you can't ever get enough. My biggest mistake was the night I slept with Sam. After that I knew I was screwed.